"I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!"

I'm really starting to like my second year of teaching. I'm not saying there aren't days that end with a wicked headache because I've just had the 100th kid say, "teacher!" but mostly it's going well. My class this year is funny. They crack me up and I totally appreciate that. I can handle a kid misbehaving if he/she is funny while doing it. The first week of school we had a fire drill and one of my boys reminded me that not everyone got out of the room. When I asked him what he meant, he said the parrot didn't get out. He was talking about our stuffed parrot we have in our fake tree. I said something like, "Oh the poor parrot. Maybe the firemen will get him out." This boy then said in an overly dramatic voice, "WON'T SOMEBODY THINK ABOUT THE PARROT?!" He thought he was pretty funny and you know what? He was. I'm also really excited about the music program our first grade team started. We are going to have music every other Friday (they also get it once a week with the music teacher) as an entire grade. We did it for the first time on Friday and it went really well. Shari is a natural and I could tell the kids loved it. I think the arts in school is so important but it's hard to fit it in when you are also trying to get through all the curriculum.

Our own little junior executive
My own kids have been pretty entertaining also. Hanna called a family meeting last week to which she brought a binder filled with an agenda. She wanted to talk about an allowance increase because she takes care of the cat, taking cheer leading lessons (ugh) without Grace and starting up our daddy-daughter/mommy-daughter dates again. She had each tabbed off with points written down. When we responded to her, she'd write down what we said. Whose child is this? She also went to her first real party this weekend. A girl in her class had a back to school party with a DJ. This place is a lot different than Santaquin. I took secret joy in telling her to "remember who she is and where she came from." I also added "no making out with boys, no drugs and no alcohol." Her response was a disgusted "MOM! Stop it! There aren't going to be boys there!" I got Grace her first little sports bra/cami thing this week because she told me, "all her friends have them." Really, why should I care? She isn't asking to go on the pill or get her tongue pierced. I know I need to let them have control over the little things. See, I'm growing. It's just hard to see them growing up. It's fun in some ways but sad in others.

"Why are you dressed so scary?" "It's Halloween."
I don't think it's any secret that I'm not a big fan of Halloween. I don't like spending money on something that will be worn for one day. When the kids were younger, I borrowed a lot of costumes or bought them 70% off the day after Halloween or told them to go down to the dress-up clothes and find something they wanted to wear. As they got older, this got a little more difficult because they didn't want to be a Disney Princess for the third year in a row. I still haven't spent that much on costumes because I'm savvy like that. Now, to add to the misery, I have to come up with a costume each year. Last year I wore a costume that I'd actually borrowed for Hanna a couple of years earlier but I didn't really love it and don't want to wear it again. So this year, we all had to get new costumes. I think most of the first grade team has decided to be fairies of some sort because we can make our own skirts together. When I was out buying my wings, I found some really cute monarch butterfly wings for Grace and our costumes are now mostly taken care of. I took Hanna out yesterday to look before things get really picked over and she picked this out

I like it. It's really hard to fine Halloween costumes for a tween that aren't totally hootchie mama. Apparently society has embraced this. It reminds me of the line in "Mean Girls" where Caty says, "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." I'm not cool with this. Hanna wanted to be a witch and I thought this costume was good at covering everything but also looked appropriate for a 6th grade girl.
*This was my first choice for a costume but I worry it would scare my class and I know Ryan would have nightmares.


Daddy's girl
My parents came to visit over Labour Day weekend and we had a really good time. Lot's of Mexican food was consumed and the girls got a nice fill of grandparent time. We had two rocking chairs out on our front porch. One was given to me by Karen a few years ago and I painted it black. It was the comfortable one that Ryan and I always fought over. The other chair was a new one I'd bought at Walmart was about as comfortable as two boards nailed together at a 90 degree angle. We did a lot of porch sitting when my parents were here because the weather was so nice. I got a phone call from my Dad after they got home and he told me he'd buy me some new chairs for our front porch. Comfort was obviously #1 but I also wanted them to look nice. I found these at Lowes and I'm loving them. Karen said I was spoiled and I'm okay with that.

"We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all."

After was Evie was born I had insomnia brought on by severe anxiety. I found that if I went into the girl's rooms and cuddled with them while they slept, I'd eventually fall asleep. I'd wake up hours later and stumble into my own bed able to sleep peacefully. I don't think they were ever aware of me sleeping with them but their sweet little 5 and 7 year old bodies were the only things that could ease my anxiety. I've been dealing with anxiety for almost as long as I can remember. When I was 16, I was terrified that I was developing epilepsy but realize now that I was having mild panic attacks. Now you might wonder, "Why did you think it was epilepsy?" It's because when I had these panic attacks, I had trouble breathing and felt like I might pass out. In my 16 year old mind, the only thing I could attribute that to was a disease like epilepsy. Fortunately the panic attacks went away and became very infrequent. I also knew what they were by my 20's and could manage them with breathing etc. After Evie was born, the anxiety came and stayed for a long time but I managed with the occasional anti-anxiety medication and regular exercise. Lately, the anxiety has come and stayed. I realized the other day that my jaw was almost constantly clenched, to the point that my neck hurt almost all the time. The anxiety was also making me have irrational thoughts about myself and I was filling my head with negative messages pretty much all the time. I finally went to the doctor about it and he agreed that my body image was not normal and we came up with a plan together to get me back on track. He said that there are studies proving that if you constantly tell yourself negative things, it can actually change your brain chemistry. Well mine has been changed to "crazy" so now I'm on the path to making it "less crazy". Sometimes I think it is so hard to reach out for help. We think we can solve everything ourselves. After I had Evie I thought I could do everything on my own. I crashed and burned pretty quickly with that attitude and figured out eventually that it's okay to seek help. I'm hopefully on the way to feeling a lot better about myself and becoming a more relaxed person.

Let's be civil
I went to Heber today to support Amanda at her Heber Valley Civil War Weekend. The girls and I drove up beautiful Provo Canyon and watched a reenactment with cavalry and cannons. The girls want to join so they can wear the big hoop skirt dresses. We cheered for "Nurse Amanda" but I told the girls we are Northerners all the way. Sorry Jonesie.

Amanda put up a lot of her own money to put this weekend together. I admire that she has something she is passionate about.

Look, she even helps the wounded northerners. What an angel.


I'm on my feet a lot during the day, so I'm always looking for some comfortable but stylish shoes. You may not think these are, but I'm totally into these Dansko mary-janes I bought at Nordstrom. They are comfortable, look cute with dresses and give me a few inches of height. Success!


I think I'll put a couple of the family photos up each time I blog. That way it isn't just one big entry of pictures. Feel free to tell me which ones you like best.


I have them all in B&W too but I'm kind of digging the colors.

Everyone has their price and mine is a pleasant surprise

My parents surprised me this week by coming for a visit. We had a really good time together and were able to pack a lot of things in. The weather also cooperated by being beautiful. My mom thought it was too hot but I love the heat. I wish summer could last all year long except I wouldn't mind snow on Christmas. We went to Park City on Sunday for the street festival. I LOVE farmer's markets, which they had. There is something about buying fresh produce and baked goods that really makes me happy. I told Ryan that if I could change my career I think I'd be a baker, but I'd only bake bread. There is not much better than freshly baked bread. I'd rather have bread than ice-cream for a treat. At the farmer's market we bought fresh hummus and bread to have as a treat when we got home. I thought the bread looked like one of those fake pregnancy pillows you can use when you're trying on maternity clothes. When we got in the car, I put it under my shirt. Ryan looked over and said, "That's upsetting." Both Ryan and I are pretty happy knowing there will be no surprise "bread babies" in our future but Ryan even more so.
I posted this picture on Facebook with the caption "Expecting and ready with hummus" thinking that was super funny. Well I had people congratulating me on my pregnancy! I quickly clarified that I was not expecting. I guess people think pregnancy and hummus go together.

In my defense, I also had this picture posted right after with the caption "park city with the girls and my new baby whom I will call Breadface." , so I thought people would get the joke. I told Ryan that I just assume everyone knows my fertility history and is aware I will never be pregnant again unless I step out on Ryan. Maybe I need to talk about it more? ;)


Lucy has been working really hard trying to win an award for most things sat on. I've been taking pictures of her sitting on anything we set down but I heard Karen's voice in my head saying, "Stop talking about that damn cat! It makes you look crazy!" So I'm only going to post one picture of her sitting on the packaging from a shelf we put up in Hanna's room. I don't really get why cats like to sit on things. I'm thinking about taking Lucy to a animal psychic so she can tell us why. I'm afraid instead she'll tell the psychic about how I carry her around talking to her like a baby. I'm sure that's not normal.


We had family pictures taken in June by a fellow SHARE mom and blogger Kimberlee. She did a great job and I'll post my favourites in my next blog entry. Kimberlee has had multiple losses like me, so we understand each other. She added this very thoughtful photo to our CD. She must have taken it on her recent trip to California. Thanks to all the people who remembered Evie's birthday and let me know they were thinking about me. I don't expect people to remember but when they do, it is very heartwarming.