Summertime blogging

Summer camp
Hanna is leaving for her first church girls camp today. She'll be gone for 5 days. I had to be mean mom this morning because she is refusing to take her allergy pills with her. They are "too big to swallow". I told her she couldn't go if she didn't promise me she'd take them. She replied, "Why don't you just let me be sick until I get better on my own?" Okay 12 year old brain, way to work! I bet everyone in your cabin will love waking up to your hacking cough at 6 a.m. as much as I do. I'm tired of being the mom of a 12 year old. I don't like being bad cop. Let's go back 10 years to when I had all the power except I'll gladly give-up the 5 a.m. wakings when I couldn't just lay in bed while they made their own breakfast. I guess each stage of parenting has it's good and bad. Right now I could do with a little less attitude and more gratitude for how awesome I am.

Summer Bra
It's not secret that I don't have much in the chest area. If it were socially acceptable I would never wear a bra. Ryan thinks this would be awesome and encourages it but you know how that goes. I hate how bras feel and the minute I'm home, mine comes off. Often I wear a cami under a loose shirt if I can get away with that. I've tried different bras but none are ever comfortable. The one I wear now is an expensive Walcoal that is padded and such. I think it creates a nice look but I wouldn't call it comfy. Saturday I was doing some shopping and saw this Shimera "day bra" at Nordstrom. I have to say, it's pretty fabulous. It's soft, has no hooks (just slips on) and gives my A's just the support they need. It's my summer bra. My only complaint is that it has no padding so you know, there is a bit of showage. Got it? I have some thin swimsuit pads I think I could put in if the need arises.

Summer kid
Since Hanna's gone, Grace and I are spending a lot of quality time together. Today we went shopping in SLC because that's what I've convinced Grace is fun to do. Papa came yesterday and Gave her $20 so she had some money burning a hole in her pocket. She also left her sunglasses at the Scottish Festival this weekend and, since I kind of hated them, I told her I'd get her a new pair. Just a tip, Nordstrom has really cute kid sunglasses for $10. Grace is fun to hang out with right now. She's pretty much up for anything and has yet to develop the tween attitude.

Grace wanted to take a picture of Buttons when we were driving to Wyoming. She made this mostly by herself when my mom was here in April. I find Buttons terrifying. The stubby arms are too much. Apparently this was a design mistake but it makes Buttons look like a double amputee that might be lurking under your bed at night. "Mr. Buttons? Is that you?"

"You know, where I come from, there's no better way to get acquainted than by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance together."

I have been reciting the pledge with my class for 159 days now and I think I know them pretty well. It's soon going to be the end of year #2 and I have to say, overall, it's been very good. I've had a nice class and I'm grateful for that. Teaching is a bit easier but it's still very challenging. I was watching the documentary "Waiting for Superman" the other day and Jeffrey Canada said it took him "maybe 5 years to be a master teacher". That would be cool but that's hard to imagine right now. I wish I could write some more "interesting" things I deal with but I'd prefer to keep my job. I also find when I tell non-teachers things that happen in school their eyes either glaze over or they look at me like I'm crazy. Ryan still lives in the world where all elementary teacher are sweet things who love everyone and everything. So when I tell him that so-and-so was driving me nuts today, he makes me feel like I'm a big meanie. I'm really looking forward to summer this year and warmer weather. This is the first week we've had, outside of the week spent in Mexico, that I might actually say it's warm. That's cool because we had an outside field trip tomorrow.

Field trip lunch-time.

I just had the funniest thing happen! I had two boys from another class accuse two boys in my class of screaming in the bathrooms. They "gave me their solemn" word that it wasn't them and then said it was two other boys from another classroom. I went and got those two boys who also told me it wasn't them. Must be the bathroom ghosts. The same ones that are pooping in the urinals. I told them that someone here was not telling me the truth since they were the only ones in the bathroom at the time. I reminded them what honesty was and blah blah blah. I finally told them that being honest would make me very happy, more happy than I would be mad. (really at this point it's a battle of wills and I felt like I was losing).
Me to boy #1: Are you telling me the truth?
Boy one: Uh huh
Boy two: yes
Boy three: shakes head yes
Boy four: I'm going to be honest, I was.
Me: Give me a high five! Way to be honest!
Boy three: I'll be honest too (while holding his hand up for a high five).
I just had to laugh at boy #3 because he was obviously going to keep on being dishonest until he saw that I wasn't mad. I hate these kind of "she said he said" situations and I've learned that they really go nowhere. Kids don't want to get "in trouble" so they will lie and they will stick with it forever. I'm super impressed by this kid who didn't but I'm not super disappointed in the one that did. Adults must be scary. I was so terrified of getting in trouble in school that I just never did anything wrong but the one time I did, I lied about it. It still eats away at me. (It doesn't)

Monkeys!
I had almost given up hope but yesterday I got an email from our resort and they found our monkey photos. This is the only one that anyone will ever see. Seven days of food binging does not result in great bathing suit photos but I had to show you the monkeys. My monkey looks like it loved me more than Ryan's monkey. Man! I'd love to squeeze a monkey right now. So cute!

Because I'm the mother...that's why
I've got my very own pre-teen right now and I see that I'm getting payback for the moody child I was. Hanna has decent style but she is still experimenting and sometimes she wants things from the jr. prostitute line. I tell her that aint happening and then she gets all pissy. I don't react well to her behaviour and so there are consequences. We got rid of our land line phone last week, so for Hanna's 12th birthday (in a few weeks) she got a cell phone (that she will have to share with Grace). She has already had it "grounded" because of being snotty to me. She'll learn. You don't mess with mama. Happy Mother's Day to everyone who has been a "mom" to me. Luvs you!

she was one frozen entree away from a nervous breakdown

I hit a wall this weekend in regards to winter. We got a taste of nice weather this week and I had high hopes for the weekend. It wasn't to be and instead it snowed and blew most of the weekend. This morning I got up in the nasty mood. I went online and caught up on some blog type reading that only left me in a worse mood. Now that I'm working in public education I'm very sensitive to people who criticize it. Do they realize that some days I start crying in class after reading with a group of children because I worry about their reading abilities? That I spend my free time finding resources that will challenge my students who are above grade level? Or that I dream at night about students who are struggling because they are in my thoughts so much? Does that sound like I only care about test scores, rote memorization and churning out worksheets? I know I shouldn't let others opinions bother me but teachers and public education are attacked so often that it's hard to ignore all the time. I know the system is not perfect by any means but most teachers try to give your child the best education they can.

Whew! That rant is over. Back to the horrible weather that gives me a huge case of the sads. I haven't been running (my Nike Mini mocks me) and only made it to one spin class this week. For me exercise=good mental health and without it, things go downhill fast. I ate so badly this weekend that my body violently revolted. My muffin top is turning into a whole loaf of bread. Mmmm...bread. I'm not being a great parent as evidenced by my lack of empathy when child #2 told me she would be sleeping on the floor in her room because she didn't have lunch. Well, lunch was provided but it wasn't up to her standards. I know things in my life are good, I really do. That is how depression works, life can be great but you still feel bad. I was told when I was younger that journal writing isn't supposed to be all happy puppies and sunshine because that's not how life really is. It is time though, to get out of this funk and do something about it. So this week I'm determined to be and do better. Spring will come, the sun will shine, spring break will start and I'll be happy, full of positive-rainbow-kitten-filled thoughts, Shea again.

What a difference some sun makes
It's been a couple of sun filled days since I wrote the first part of this post. I'm feeling much better. Spring is in the air and life seems good again. No, I'm not bi-polar but the weather affects me a lot. Yesterday I had the privilige of going with Hanna to her fifth grade maturation program. Things like that are the reason I'm very happy I'll still be in the same school with them. They've come a long way since the dated film strip that was shown when I was in fifth grade but it's basically the same facts, minus the belted pads. I told Hanna that if she is anything like me, she doesn't need to worry about this for another 4-5 years. I'm looking over at all 54lbs of her when they started talking about wearing a bra and wanted to say, "I'm sorry sister but odds are, you won't need one of those for years." I'll probably get her some sort of cami/sports bra thing for next year because I remember Sandra Stevenson and I making a pact that we would wear a bra on the first day of grade six. I don't think Sandra or I need them yet. Hanna's cool though. She knew all this stuff and more before. I highly recommend "The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls" which is published by American Girl. Honestly, it's hard for me to wrap my brain around Hanna being almost 11. It doesn't help that she's built like a 7 year old either. I remember a lot of her baby-hood very vividly because it was such a life changing time. Some days I wish I could transport myself back in time and hold that little baby again but I'm really happy with the person she is turning out to be.
My "mature" girl

"It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I don't care."

This whole working parent thing is really taking a lot of getting used to. I'm so tired of kids needing me all day, that by the time my kids need me I have nothing left to give. This job has totally given me a new appreciation for my own mom, who also taught school while we were growing up. Ryan helps a lot around the house and with the kids which is fabulous. Yesterday, I came home with a horrible headache, went into the bathroom, shut the door and lay down on the floor by the heater for 30 minutes. Got up, made dinner, got dressed to go to cycle class but when I got there all the New Year's resolution crowd had taken up all the bikes. So even my hour of physical therapy, that keeps me off Prozac, was taken away. I went home, ate and got into bed at 8 o'clock. Ryan stayed up with Hanna until after 9 helping her with her science project. Now this is a bad day. I don't want you to think I handle every day like this because I do have mostly good days. It's just really hard to get used to being a mom and a full-time teacher. Do I wish I didn't work? Maybe. Do I like the extra money? Yes, please! Are we going to use it to take me, I mean us to fabulous foreign locations to make it all worth it? Tru dat!

Hanna has been taking gymnastics at the Beaumont rec center since the fall and has really liked it. We had to sign her up for Saturday mornings because all the working parent times were taking during the week. I was not giving up my Saturday morning sleeping in time so I called Ryan before I signed her up and asked if he would be willing to do it since he get's Fridays off also. He said he would and has been good about taking her while I roll over onto his warm spot and sleep in. She is tired of the Saturday mornings and so are we, so I went today during open enrollment day to see if I could switch. I walk in and they tell me that the only time open is Thursday at 3:00 but both Hanna and I are still in school at that time. They ask me if I'd like to put in for a transfer (is this the army?) and I say I would. They ask if I've paid for the month and I say I haven't yet. They both look at each other with a worried look and say, "All the spots are full then. Since you didn't pay on time, someone took her spot." They were very nice and told me I could try again next month to get her back in. Even though it was my fault I walked away saying, "That's pretty lame." Then I had this horrible feeling that one of the women there goes to church with me. When I told Hanna, she started crying, so I signed her up for something that was open, swimming lessons. She seems happy with that and from now on I'll try not to be a slacker working parent and get her tuition paid on time. Now it's time to sit by the fireplace and watch TV. Van Fleet out!


Scrubs - Kittens

Tara | MySpace Video

Grow up Shea, Jordache jeans are so 87'

I had to go to Orem today to for my laser hair removal treatment. That's another post but I just have to say, "It's awesome!" Gap is having their "Friends and Family" promotion and because I'm a friend (that means I have a Gap Visa) I get a 30% off everything coupon. I went into GapKids to get a few little Christmas presents for the girls and was amazed by what I saw. I look around and I see all these young women with little children piling loads and loads of clothes into their $500 strollers. I look more closely and they all seem to be wearing $200+ Rock and Republic or Seven for All Mankind jeans. They all have perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect make up and perfect bodies. Where do these women come from or more importantly, where do they get all this disposable income? When I was having children in my mid-twenties, I was wearing $10 sale jeans from Gap and cutting my hair at the local beauty school. That's what all my friends were doing also. I wasn't aware of anyone my age who had expensive strollers and jeans but I did live in the Provo ghetto. I didn't even have a pedicure or manicure until I was in my 30's! Only recently, since getting a job, have I ventured into the full-price section of stores and I sure as hell won't even pay over $200 for a pair of jeans unless my sugar daddy buys them for me. I remember when our kids were babies I'd see a cute outfit at BabyGap and watch for it to go on sale. Okay I still do that but I don't always have to. I'm really starting to hate the blatant materialism that Utah culture seems to foster. Does this happen in other parts of the country? Am I biased? Jealous? Would I do that same thing if Ryan had loads of money for me to spend on useless crap?

I've got a problem

I know, I know, I have many problems but this is the one I want to focus on tonight. Ryan left on Sunday for a week, it's been one day and I'm already hating the single parent gig. All right, I'll be honest because Ryan being gone really has nothing to do with my problem. My problem is, I make my kids enter the PTA Reflections contest because I want them to look good. There, I said it! Usually I put Ryan in charge of this because he is the artistic one but he conveniently left for Mesquite (whoohoo) without doing anything. The projects are due Friday and so tonight I told the girls that we would start working on them. The theme this year is "Wow" which in my opinion is a freakin hard theme. How do you write a story, draw a picture, take a photo etc with "Wow" as a theme? We brainstormed and made a web but we are having a hard time with the Literature section. Grace wanted to write about Ryan's job and while Grace is very intelligent she is also proportionally lazy. This is something that frustrates me to no end and I know it's because she is just like me. She kept coming to me with something like this, "My dad is a sergeant. He works in Salt Lake. He comes home at 5 pm. He has a cool office. He has a cool car. I like to ride in it. What's cool about my dad is he's a sergeant and that's awesome!" Now, a good mom would say, "That's great Grace! You are so right, Dad's office is cool with it's chairs and desk and fluorescent lights." Instead I say, "Really Grace? That's the best you can do? That's your best work? I don't get what is "wow" about this story?" Then she starts to cry. You'd think I'd be a little more sensitive with the child who was crying at school today because, "She misses Daddy. He won't be able to kiss me goodnight." I could blame it on after-vacation-depression or being sick or being a single parent or having to clean the house because a realtor wanted to look at it, but honestly there is no excuse. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, we came up with another idea for a story and all was well. Luckily Grace is quick to forgive. After they went to bed I thought about the night and confessed to myself that I want them to do this because I like the feeling I get when they win or place in the contest. I know that they feel good about it also but I wonder if my feelings outweigh theirs? I think I'm going to have to relax a bit if I want to make it through their school careers without us hating each other. Am I the only parent who makes their children do things because it is ultimately what they want? Please tell me I'm not.