My Friend Goo

my friend Goo has a real tattoo
she always knows just what to do
she looks through her hair like she doesn't care (?)
what she does best is stand and stare

I was burning a cd the other day and looking at lyrics of songs I was using. I liked this one from Sonic Youth. Just thought I'd share. I have a real tatoo and I'm good at staring. Didja know?

Shameless Hanna Plug

Hanna had her first piano recital today and she did a fabulous job. I have to admit I was a little nervous but she play We Three Kings without one mistake. Oh and BTW she was the only child who didn't make a mistake. What? Did I just say that? Yes she's pretty much perfect. She's only been taking piano since September so I think she's doing very well. We didn't take a picture during (too distracting) so we made her pose after everyone was done. She cracked me up because after she finished her piece she curtsied. Funny kid.

Rolo Turtles for All

I've had a few requests to post the "recipe" for Rolo Turtles. My friend Christine turned me on to these and now I'm addicted. I sent them out as neighbor gifts and everyone has commented on them. Not my fudge though. Hmmm. So here is the secret recipe. Sorry about the small picture but it's the only one I could find on the internet.

Heat oven to 200
Put wax paper on baking sheet
Place small pretzels on sheet
Place one Rolo on each pretzel
Put in oven until the Rolos are soft (5min?)
Take sheet out and press a pecan half onto each Rolo.
Put in fridge to set
Voila! A Rolo turtle!

For Evie

Many of you know we lost our baby girl Evie Shea this year at 20 weeks.
She only lived for a few moments but those moments have changed me
forever. It's hard this time of year because I think about how I should
have been very pregnant now and how we'd all be so excited for our new
baby to come. I miss her so much but I have to go one with my life even
if it's mostly on autopilot because I have people who depend on me. I received a Christmas card today from the hospital where Evie was born and this poem was inside it. I just thought it was a great poem and it put into words what I feel this season. God bless.

Dear Baby
Holiday decorations and light and music
Sometimes seem out of place to me this year.
I am celebrating the season.
Just a little more subdued than usual.
Oh, I will put on a happy face
And try not to spoil it for others.
But inside my heart aches to look up
And see you there too.
Instead, I know you will only be a present in my heart
But you will be there, always there.
I will learn to do things without you.
I will learn how to accomplish my plans
And celebrate the future
Differently now.
Holidays are times of miracles.
I will choose to believe in miracles
And see the light
Instead of the darkness.
I will remember
Your fluttering presence.
Your anticipated arrival.
Your contribution to our family.
Differently now.
But I will remember.
And celebrating the season
Does not mean you are forgotten.
You are a part of me always
And you live here in my heart.
-W.W. Roberts.

The Griswald Family Photo

Once again it's that time of year where we get ambitious and decide to do a family photo to send out with our Christmas cards. I voted to only have the girls in it because who really wants to see how old and fat Ryan and I are getting? Ryan said he thinks people really do want to see that so he vetoed my decision and we all ended up in the photo. I found the girl's shirts at Old Navy on the sale rack for $5. I thought they were so cute and would be perfect to wear in the Christmas photo. As they were putting them on Ryan saw them for the first time and said in a horrified voice "what are those?!" As I looked at them through his eyes I realized they looked a little 1980's nouveau pioneer but it was too late now and I wasn't about to turn back. In 20 years they will be able to look at this photo and laugh about how big an idiot their mom was when it came to fashion.

The actual photo taking is always an ordeal in itself. The Toly in me comes out and I want the perfect photo at all costs. I turn into some sort of photo taking Nazi who scares even myself. If anyone even attempts to droop their eyelids so they look stoned or heaven forbid, not smile the perfect smile, I will go beserk. Today was no different from any other picture taking day and it ended up with Grace crying and me accusing her of ruining Christmas or making baby Jesus cry. I can't remember which. We all went to our separate corners to regroup and ended up coming back to take one pretty decent photo. Ryan put it into Photoshop to show me and the first thing I said was "get rid of that double chin!" So he did some Photoshopping magic and got rid of my double chin, his black tooth, Hanna's missing tooth and what he said was our "uneven skin tone". I was happy with the result but we could not figure out how to print the airbrushed one out to send with our Christmas cards. So everyone who gets a card will see all our imperfections. I also could not get the photoshopped picture to show on the blog. I put some of the failed picture attempts on Flikr. I decided that this year we would not send out a letter with our card. The thought of writing down the events of this year was not something I wanted to do. There have been many good things but the one horrible, sad thing that did happen overshadows most of them so I've decided to skip the letter. I hope that next year brings us happier times and peace. I wish the same for all our family and friends out there.

REJECTED!

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know… the birth of Santa.

We took the girls to see Santa this week and they were very excited about it. I like doing this kind of thing because I know if a couple of years they will be too old to do this and that makes me sad. What I don't like is waiting in line for 30 minutes to see Santa because now it's not just seeing Santa it's taking a semi-professional picture with him. Each person who did the photo thing took forever because they had to get the perfect picture of their screaming child with Santa. I swear I thought I was going to stroke out watching some of these parents re-take the photo five times. I made the suggestion that they have a seperate Santa for those who want these mall photos with him. We bring our own camera and it takes about 3 seconds to snap a photo. I don't care if it's perfect because it's free. I'm not paying $20 for a 5x7 just because it's with Santa. Hell, it's not ever the real Santa! The girls were happy to tell Santa they wanted a "real cowgirl suit" and a Bratz computer. The Bratz computer will never happen because I think Bratz are hoochie. Hopefully the Easy Bake Oven "Santa" bought instead will go over just as well.

You Will Learn

I was cleaning out my computer desk and look what I found. Noelle's Cliff Notes for The Fascinating Girl. I was pretty excited because I thought I threw it out after 14 years.



That's Noelle's face on the cover. She's doing her darndest to figure out how to make one of these attractive, masculine men propose marriage to her. Luckily she has just the right book to teach her how to be more attractive to men.

You will learn:
What men find fascinating in women
The kind of woman a man wants
How to awaken a man's feelings of love and tenderness
How to understand men, their special needs, characteristics and vulnerable points
The way to self confidence with men
How to be a good conversationalist
Feminine wiles and ways
The real charm that men find in women
How to be adorable when angry (I might actually like to learn this)
How to make a man feel like a man
Strategy with men and keys to winning them
Where and how to find a man
Choosing a mate-what to look for
The six stages of winning a man
How to make men notice you
Arousing his interest and love
Mistakes that drive men away
Sex and affection, the wise and the foolish aspects
Removing the obstacles to marriage
How to create a romantic situation
Principles of inspiring a proposal

Holy crap! That is everything I will ever need to know in life. Forget anything about me or my self-worth as long as I'm pleasing a man I'll be happy. I've picked my favorite exert from the cliff notes to share with you all:

"If you are a large, tall or strong woman you will have to work to disguise these features so that men will have the impression that you are little and delicate. And if you are an efficient and capable woman, you will have to "unlearn" these traits. As you begin to develop your feminine nature, the one you were born with, you will tend to lose some of your qualities of fearlessness and efficiency and supplant them with the virtues of true femininity."

Luckily I am neither large or tall but I am capable. At least I only have to "unlearn" a few things. I would much rather be incapable. This is all making sense to me now. What man wouldn't want a small, weak, incapable, inefficient and fearful mate? Amen Helen Andelin. Amen.

Sort of Love Thy Neighbor

A couple of nights ago we got our first neighbor gift. Remember it's only the first week in December but I guess some people are super on top of things like that. I dread the neighbor gift frenzy every year. First I stress about what I'm going to do and then I stress about who to give them to or who will give them to us. Oh and I forgot to add that there is also the money factor. As in this can cost a butt-load of money! In previous years I have gone the baking route (too much enery/time), the homemade ornament route (time was also a factor here) and the bought candy route ($$$). So this year I'm trying to think of a way to do it without exerting much energy, time or money. Really the only way to do that is to not do anything at all and that will send me into a bout of anxiety that I don't even want to think about. Why is it that I'm 32 years old and I still care what people think of me? That's another post though. I realize it's got to be done so I will just suck it up and do it. That's the Christmas spirit right? I usually make a list of people I actually like, actual neighbors, people who always give us something and then my back up list of people I will give to only if they give us something. This can get pretty lengthy but judging by the fact that no one "Ghosted" our family on Halloween I'm thinking we aren't going to receive that many. Oh I feel a tangent coming on... Yes that is right, our family was not "Ghosted" on Halloween. If you are unaware of what that is I will tell you. Someone brings over candy and a piece of paper with poem on it that basically tells you that you have to give another family the same thing. It's basically a Halloween chain letter and if you break it by not giving out more candy, the Halloween Gods will frown upon you. I do know some people who break this chain (Karen) and it was not a pretty sight. I think her kids only got Smarties and Tootsie rolls that year. The point is no one did this to our house. This was the first year we'd been ignored and I don't know why. Maybe personal tragedies make people uncomfortable and they thought we wouldn't want to be bothered with some neighborly kindness. Regardless of this I will purchase and pass out neighbor gifts this year. I want to be liked as much as the next person and if buying their friendship is the only way to do it, then by golly I will! On a side note we just got an invitation to a neighborhood party. While I'd rather have my eyes poked out with a hot poker I will most likely go because deep down inside I'm thinking "They like me! They really really like me!"

Here is a picture of Grace doing her model pose by the Christmas tree.

Go Faster! Work Harder!

I joined Gold's gym this fall for two reasons. 1) I was on the edge a nervous breakdown and my therapist and I thought exercise would help. 2) I needed to drop a few pounds since I had been pregnant for 5 months. Not the happiest reasons to join a gym but so far it's been a good thing. I go with my friend Karen who has had five children and actually weighs less than she did when she was first married. She looks fabulous and eats whatever she wants which she admits is mostly crap. Did I mention I hate her? Oh Kar-kar I'm just kidding. You know I love you. Anyway we go to the gym and we're good work out partners. I am motivated to get there and Karen is motivated to keep going when I want to give up and go eat cinnamon and sugar pretzels at Sam's Club. I actually like the feeling I get from working out and it helps keep me off antidepressants. I'm also pretty vain, sadly, and like the idea of being thin. Recently I've been taking more classes at the gym because, like I mentioned before, I have a motivation problem and need someone to yell slogans at me to keep me going. What I don't need is any interaction with anyone else in the class. I go there to work out, not to make friends. I don't want or need to high five the other people in the class and I sure as hell don't want to partner up with a complete stranger. For this reason I have been liking the cycle class I take. The room is dark so no one can see me making those ugly workout faces and interacting with others is non-existent. The teacher yells great slogans at us and the music is loud with a strong beat. I sweat like I have never sweated before and most days I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up partway through the class. I like it because I feel like I've accomplished something and pushed myself. Supposedly in this class you could burn up to 900 calories. Now on to my observation about aerobics teachers at gyms. I've yet to have one who looks super in shape or is "skinny". Doesn't it seem odd that someone who works out for a living would not be in awesome shape? I'm fascinated by this and often spend part of the class wondering what this person eats to undo all that exercise. Then I start to worry that this is all a big scam and I'm never going to be in the shape I hope for. I keep on keeping on though and hopefully I will see the results I would like to see someday. I also hope I'm setting a good example for my girls and they will see that being active is a good thing. Still I wish that I had the metabolism I did when I was 17 and could eat a box of dill pickle chips each night as a snack while never breaking 100lbs. Sigh.

I'm adding this picture of me on the day of my highschool graduation in 1992. I think pictures are fun to look at and this is me not breaking 100lbs while my exercise consisted of practicing for marching band and living on a diet of dill pickle chips and pop. That's my brother BTW. No my brother was not my date! I'm sure the parents made us take this photo. This is a rare photo because I'm actually smiling in it. Being a upper-middle class teenager is so hard.

Smartypants

Both girls entered the PTA Reflections contest this year. The theme was "My Favorite Place". Hanna entered a story in the literature category and a photo in the photography category. Grace entered a photo collage in the visual arts category. Hanna placed first in literature and second in photography while Grace placed third in visual arts. I was the proud mom and genuinely surprised that Hanna did so well in literature. She wrote a story about Disneyland and I think I forgot to save a copy of it or I'd post it here. Anyway the Van Fleet girls cleaned up with king size Hershey bars and Walmart gift cards which they already spent on Polly Pockets and a gumball machine. Hanna is thinking she will get rich from this gumball machine. I'm going to post their soccer pictures in this post just because I think they're cute.