A few Christmas pictures

I always get caught up in the Christmas morning hullabaloo and forget to take many pictures. Here are a few I did get.

Grace wanted to read "The Night Before Christmas" to Great-Grandma Van Fleet.

One last picture before the madness begins.

They both got new American Girl Dolls for Christmas. Hanna has Kit and Grace has Emily.

The face says it all.

Grandma and Grandpa Toly gave them iPods.

Grace loves to sing while listening to her iPod. Sadly one of her favourite songs is from our neighbours country cd she recorded.

"Fuzzy" Crocs have proved to be very useful.

Back from a holiday break

I have yet to even look at my camera and sort through the Christmas photos so it will be awhile until I get those up. We had an excellent Christmas and everyone seems happy with their haul. Ryan bought me an iPod Nano that I've yet to really explore but if you have any song recommendations I'd like to hear them. We spent this week sledding, laying around or mooching Guitar Hero time at Quist's house. I need to get me a Wii (hint: it's my birthday in 14 days!) so that I can spend hours at my own house mastering Guitar Hero.

Today was a rough one. I had to teach five twelve year old girls about the second coming of Jesus Christ. I've been teaching these girls all year and have never felt flustered or nervous but this was a rough one. It did make me reflect on the sad state our world seems to be in and then had me feeling kind of depressed. Benazir Bhutto's assassination is something I can't seem to get out of my head. The thought of the world in an Utopian state was sounding pretty good to me today.

What all my friends are getting for Christmas

Faux jean leggings. Banded waist. Length of leggings from inseam: 24.5". One size fits most. Imported.

A picture of Gracie

I went to see Grace's school Christmas program yesterday and it was really sweet. She sang Jingle Bells while doing sign language which I thought was cool. My only problem with these programs is that the other parents there with younger children let them do whatever they want in the aisle while I'm trying to watch my child perform. So I kept having to move because some kid was dancing in the aisle which blocked my view of Grace. I don't know why my kid is always on the front row, right in front of where the teachers sit. When it was done we went back to her classroom and I snapped this picture of her. She has smiley face stamps on her face because I'm that parent who forgets to send lunch money when my kid has school lunch. Why she chooses to have them stamped on her face I'll never know. You have to click on the picture to see the smiley faces. When I did that I noticed Grace is working on a nice pair of Toly eyebrows. Luckily she is blonde.

Santa

We took the girls to see Santa on Saturday which is something I worry they'll grow out of soon. I love hearing them talk in the car on the way there about what they are going to ask Santa for. It's a magical thing and I'll be sad when they aren't excited to do it. They always go together because Gracie is a bit "shy" of Santa. I'm feeling sentimental tonight about the girls and our family. We're so lucky that we got to have them in our lives. Christmas brings up a lot of feelings about the loss of Evie but I'm trying to focus on being grateful for winning the genetic lottery with Hanna and Grace.

I didn't come here to Jazzercise

In an effort not to gain 200lbs by Christmas, I have returned to The Gym. My goal is to get in two weight and one cardio class a week. The trick is finding the classes you like to go to and have good instructors. My old weight class was taught by Naomi who I believe had perfect arms. Her perfect arms motivated me and made me believe that maybe someday, I could have arms like that also. Naomi didn't fool around either. I got really strong going to her class and I probably lifted more weight than I ever have before. I was sore a lot but it was a good kind of sore that made me feel like I was accomplishing something. My whole working out routine was interrupted by our summer trip to Alberta, then adjusting to working (18 hours a week!) and then just general laziness. I'm back now but Naomi has left. I don't know where she went but it makes me sad and I know I'm not the only one who went to Gold's just for her classes. So the last couple of weeks have been a testing period for other classes. I found Shirley on Mondays that I really like and then I do a spin class for my cardio. Wednesday I decided to try out Lana's weight class hoping that I'd have found my trifecta of workout classes. I should have known when I walked in and only saw three other women there that it wasn't going to be fabulous. One of my pet peeves when taking a class is when the instructor has us work out like "girls". I don't want to do any of this Jane Fonda crap where I lay down on my side, put a dumbbell on my inner thigh and "lift, lift, lift". I know it might work out your inner thigh just fine but I want to put a barbell on my shoulders and lift like a man, dammit! I found myself getting angrier and angrier as the class went on. I left about ten minutes early feeling like I could have had a better workout with Gracie as my instructor. I won't be going back to Lana's class and instead I guess I have to now try out the new spin instructor on Wednesdays. Hopefully I don't get in a fight with anyone.

Haircut

I took another trip to see Chad and get the horrible she-mullet I had going cut off. It had been four months due to our Disneyland trip and that's a long time when you have short hair. It feels so good to have it short in the back again. I'm posting these lovely Photobooth pictures because I'm getting too old and too lazy to care about taking a good picture. I'm getting old and I might as well embrace the beast. If you live in the Wasatch Front, I highly recommend Chad at Reflections Salon in Sugarhouse.

This is dedicated to my fellow mall shoppers

Prime Minister Brian Mulroney (just to clarify, this is NOT the real Brian Mulroney), Benetton, a guy doing The Robot, what more could you want? Throw in some Le Chateau and it's my teenage years summed up in a song. Sadly, my local mall had none of these stores. We had stores like Suzy Shier, Cotton Ginny, Mariposa and Bootlegger. I know a lot of you hung out at the Park Place Mall growing up so tell me about stores you frequented. Remember Freedom?

Proof that Gary Coleman lives here

Poor Gary is now having to sell his Saturn on Ebay. I love how in his description he says "you are looking at The famous Gary Coleman's Saturn." The first time I had a Gary siting he was driving this car. Apparently he has also opened up some sort of Christmas Boutique at his house. Hanna's friend has a mug he bought from Gary. I might have to check that out.
ETA:The monochromatic denim outfit and green Crocs are quite becoming.

Gary's Ebay Listing

Wife's head explodes while taking Christmas card photo

Like last year, Grace was crying two minutes into the process so we had to take a break to cheer her up. I told her she needed to look at the camera and apparently she heard, "GRACE LOOK AT THE DAMN CAMERA OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE!" Why else would she have started to cry? Oh that's right, I'm raising the world's most sensitive child. Long story short, they're all hideous or I should say, I look hideous in them all. I told Ryan to just pick one and call it good. This picture taking has been a serious blow to my self esteem. I'm getting old and that isn't fun, especially when captured on film. Here are the two I would have picked because you can't see my weird double chin in either of them.

The weaker sex

I saw this on Dooce and had to share. I'm not naming any names but I know some men like this.

BYU, SchmeeYU

I don't like to make fun of BYU because I went there and had mostly good experiences. My theory is, you knew what you were signing up for when you applied to a church run/private university, so don't whine about it when you get there. I also know you can party it up to your heart's delight at BYU just like at any other university, you just have to know where to look. Ryan hated the rules but I never had a problem with them. I broke some rules but I just made sure the Honor Code wasn't aware of my doings. My roommate who slept overnight at her boyfriend's apartment all the time and attempted suicide by swallowing a whole bottle of Tylenol, was not so lucky (If you read this Sarah, you know I love you.) I was reported once to the Honor Code in my sophomore year when I lived off campus. We weren't supposed to have boys in our condo after midnight but I was engaged and Ryan stayed past midnight all the time. I wasn't the only one in the condo who had boys there after midnight. Oh and we were also forbidden to have boys in our rooms. Bedrooms are gateways to hell! Someone in our complex called the Honor Code on us and I don't remember much coming from it. I'm sure we told them they were mistaken, that Wellington Number Nine was full of very virtuous young women who would never dream of having a boy in the condo past midnight. Why, didn't the very thought automatically sign you up for an unwanted pregnancy? I always had this image of Honor Code spies lurking in the bushes wearing dark sunglasses and trench coats. Watching and waiting for someone or something they could report. "Oh goody! Her shorts are not 2-Z-Kneez." or "Looks like he hasn't shaved in at least a day. That cannot be tolerated!"

That brings me to the whole "guys must shave" rule. That is one I never got the point of. I just don't see how a five o'clock shadow could lead to sin? Like the scruffy face is the gateway drug of immorality. First it's a unshaven face, then it's beer and hookers. Ryan was busted for this a couple of times. Once at the testing center and once at the pool. If you know Ryan you know that he couldn't grow a beard to save his life, so it's pretty comical that he was busted for this. I'm going to post some Honor Code posters for your amusement. They were even better when I was going there back in the 90's but I can't seem to find vintage "2-Z-Kneez" posters.


Could these two be more bland? I think that guy might prefer the company of gentlemen, if you know what I mean. Click on this to enlarge it so you can read the fine print.

Tricky Jesus

This made me laugh out loud when I read it. I think I have an odd sense of humour. You have to click on the headline to get to the funny part.

Christmas Trees More Expensive

Due to high fuel costs, the price of Christmas trees will be around 10 percent higher this year. What do you think?

Something I like, a lot.

It's confession time again. I've become addicted to Spanx. Until you've tried one of these you can't appreciate how fabulous they are. I bought one off Ebay last spring and now I can't go to church without one. I say church, because that is were I usually have a dress on but I have worn them with other outfits and to other places. I wore it to my high school reunion because we all know those are all about who got the fattest. I should take a before and after picture but that's just not going to happen. So instead I'll just say that the miracle which happens when I wear one is that my roll that is usually there when I sit down disappears. Shirts that once could not be buttoned, can be buttoned with ease. Bottoms that once jiggled, jiggle no more! It's a pure vanity purchase but I'll admit that I can be vain. It's like the Spanx has a brain and this brain tells my body what it should REALLY look like.

Now for the drawbacks of the Spanx. I hesitate to mention it because the positives grossly outweigh the negatives but I have to tell you the truth. The Spanx is ugly. I won't even let Ryan see me putting it on because it is so unflattering. As unflattering as I think it is, it isn't nearly as bad as most "control underwear" out there. The Spanx is also an ordeal to put on. I was describing it to friends the other night and they were laughing pretty hard by the end of my description. Basically it's like stuffing a sausage. I'm pulling and wiggling myself into this sausage casing, having to stop now and then for a rest because I'm out of breath. It's not pretty. When I'm doing it I'm thinking to myself, "Am I really doing this? Is this really me stuffing myself into this ugly nude "girdle" so I can look like I've been going to the gym on a regular basis when actually I've been eating gas station nachos three times a week?" Sadly I feel like it's worth it. I look in the mirror after I get my clothes on over it and think, "Not bad. Not bad at all."

Random pictures for your viewing pleasure

Hanna and Grace requested I take this photo today to show Grandma and Grandpa Toly the great thing they built. It was right before church when they asked to have the picture taken and Grace wanted to wear this lovely outfit. I bought this outfit for last Christmas because it had a matching one for her Bitty Baby and it was on sale. I'm now thinking it's a bit insane but she gets a lot of compliments on it. I'm also posting some photos of our big snow and Ryan using the new snow blower. Ryan had to shovel our driveway, Grandma's and Nancy's very long one that goes down to her entrance which usually took hours. He's liking it a lot and swearing a lot less whenever it starts to snow.

Thanks to Aunt Becky for a good toy. Notice the undecorated Christmas tree in the background. I tackled that later and I must say it turned out quite nicely.

The girls were out in the snow for hours. I think they would have stayed out all day if I hadn't have brought them in to go get the Christmas tree.

Look at how he handles that snow blower. Now that's manly.

Hanna's activity days talent show

Hanna had to display a talent she had for activity days (church girls program) and she chose to play the piano. I had to miss it due to partying it up and outlet shopping in Park City with friends. That makes me sound like a fabulous mother but we had this planned before the talent show was planned. Ryan took Hanna and Grace and was able to reenact the "good" parts for me at home. Apparently there was unicycle riding and unicycle dancing with the unicycle as a prop by one of the leaders. I'm sorry that didn't get taped but Ryan did a good job of acting it out for my amusement. Hanna did a great job and I was amazed with her ability to turn the page and then continue to play. She's only been playing for a year and I'm mainly happy that she seems to like doing it.
*for some reason it's playing the video twice*

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

If you don't watch "The Hills" this will mean nothing to you

Brilliant! I could go into a whole thing here about how I think JustinBobby is an idiot and Audrina a fool but that would just make me sound like a moron. I guess it's too late to avoid that. *Language Warning!*

Finally!

Thank the furniture Gods! I finally got a new entertainment center. It's actually an entertainment console but I love it. Karen did a good job of keeping her eye out and was once again able to talk Ryan into buying. Each transaction has become less and less painful. Maybe I should be bothered by the fact that he'll do whatever she says but as long as it keeps me in new furniture, I don't care.



I also replaced the ugly magazine holder that we bought at Walmart 10 years ago. Thank-you Target.


Is this too big of a space to be empty? It's such a huge wall. Any ideas?

Grace in the Newspaper

If you read below you know that Grace won 1st place in her Reflections category. I was working at the school the day they called her to the office to have her picture taken. I thought it was being taken for the school newsletter but it was actually for the (very) local newspaper, the Nebo Reporter. I have no idea how one even gets this newspaper but luckily our neighbors saw it and saved it for us. So we have the newspaper with picture but the picture is of such bad quality that you can hardly make out the kid's faces. I'm not even going to attempt to scan it in because I'm sure you wouldn't be able to make her out. She was really excited about it and I'm grateful that someone saved it for us. Here is the article that I pulled off the web:

Thursday, November 22, 2007
NEBO Orchard Hills Reflections Winners
Daily Herald
The students at Orchard Hills Elementary School in Santaquin have just finished the local part of their "Reflections" contest.They had a wonderful selection of projects this year. The theme was "I Can Make a Difference By. . ." We had 16 entries among three age groups - kindergarten through second grade, third through fifth grade and sixth grade - that will move to the district level. The first place winners in each division that will move to the district competition are, front row; Grace VanFleet, Hailey Saldivar, Elizabeth Callahan, Riley Wood, Tanner Adams and Katie Callahan. Back row: Brody Adams, Corrine Facer, Kelsey Wood, Kadie Nelson, Amber Ringger, Kayla Ruiz, Alizabeth Apgood, Kelsey Martin and Wyatt McDaniel. Not pictured: Megan Ringger.

Radiohead Covering The Smiths

You be the judge but I'm putting this on my list of great covers.

I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's!

I've been waiting to use that line. I ate two Arby-Qs tonight. I have a secret weakness for these and so does Ryan's grandma. They are 5 for $5.95 right now and so the adds on on TV a lot. Grandma and I have been jonesing for Arby-Qs. So after a not so great day subbing in Hanna's class, I blame raging PMS, I decided it was time to get me some Arby's. Ryan was working late doing something I don't want to know about because last time he did tell me and all I heard was "white supremisist and shotgun". Anyway I didn't want to cook for just me and the girls. Grandma was all for it but I had to drive to Spanish Fork (15 miles) to get them because our local Arby's doesn't make Arby-Qs. I gave Grandma two which she said would last her three weeks which is probably close to the truth then I took three home for us. I thought I'd only have one but after the first I wasn't satisfied. In my defense I think they make them much smaller now. I'm going to pass on looking up the calories on those (I had to look. It's 360 cals which isn't horrible) but I know they are lower in fat/cals than most burgers because Grandma used to let Grandpa eat them and she hardly let him eat anything.

She was musing on the song she heard

You know what is an amazing song? "Pictures of You" by The Cure. I can't be the only one who thinks this song is one of the best, right? Ryan thinks Disintegration is crap but he couldn't be more wrong. Maybe it's because it came out in May 1989, the summer before I started high school which of course is an important time in a young girl's life. I think I was dating Shiloh Tolman and we were both quite fanatic about The Cure. I think I even gave Shiloh "Disintegration" for Christmas that year. Man, I can remember the most inane details. I took a lifeguarding class at the University of Lethbridge that winter and they would play music in the diving pool where we had to do some of our training. One time I dove in there and "Pictures of You" was playing in the water. It made me happy. BTW I failed that class because they said I wasn't big enough to rescue large people. "Lovesong" is also another great one on this album and just a great simplistic lovesong. Back to "Pictures of You" (which is a another song that makes me cry), it also has great lyrics:
Remembering you standing quiet in the rain as
I ran to your heart to be near and we kissed as
the sky fell in holding you close how I always
held close in your fear
Remembering you running soft through the night you were bigger
and brighter than the snow
and screamed at the make-believe screamed at the
sky and you finally found all your courage to let it all go

Good stuff. The song is over and now I've moved on to Tears for Fears "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" which is another good song. I'm digging my iPod shuffle mode right now. What are some songs you've forgot you loved?

Diorama!

Hanna and Grace entered the PTA Reflections Program this year in the 3-D art catagory. We were pressed for time this year because of the Disneyland trip so they only entered one each. The theme this year was: I Can Make a Difference By... Grace said she could make a difference by picking up litter and Hanna by planting a garden. Grace won 1st place in her age and category and Hanna placed second in hers. They had an assembly at school and both girls got called up in front of the school. Grace won a $25 Walmart giftcard which she used to purchase an iDog and Hanna won the game Pass the Pig. I was subbing in Hanna's class the day of the assembly and I have to say I was pretty proud although I was a little worried that maybe Grace had a tad too much parental help (Ryan).

Wait Wait...Don't Sink the Boat!

Ryan was listening to Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me this morning and they said that the reason the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland is being remodeled is because visitors are becoming too fat to ride the ride. Apparently they are causing the boats to get stuck in the water flume. Disney is making the flume deeper and the boats more buoyant. It was built in 1963 and we as a nation just keep getting bigger and bigger. "What a wonderful irony, we became too big for Small World."

Halloween

You know it's Halloween when you take off your bra at the end of the day and a Nerd falls out.

Disneyland

Look at the excitement on those faces! Only minutes until we get into Disneyland.


Thunder Mountain Madness!


Getting ready to do some Autopia driving.


Natural reaction to Tower of Terror

Trick or Treating at Disneyland. I'm Grumpy and Ryan is Disneyland.

Taking a break in Mickey's really comfortable plastic chair.

Working Girl

This post is poorly written but please forgive me, especially those of you who are grammar freaks. You know who you are.

I think I'm going to like my job. My schedule is kind of weird during the day but I like that I'm not doing one thing all day. I do reading with a few 2nd and 3rd grade kids but I also go into classrooms to "sub" when teachers are doing their planning together. I help out in kindergarten with letters on Mondays for an hour. Kind of sad that some of these kids don't even know their letters yet. Not even the letters in their names. I don't have to be to work until a little before 9 and I'm done at 3. So I start after the girls do and end before them. Nice. My only problem today was with Roze one of the other women I work with. We had a planning meeting with Karen (my boss basically) and we have grades that we help out in once a week. Mine are 3rd, 6th, 5th and 1st. Perfect because Hanna is in 3rd and Grace 1st. Well Roze has been in the school for about 2 months and apparently has been in Grace's class for a week or so. I asked for Hanna's class and got that, then I asked for Grace's. Roze asked me which child was mine and I said "Grace". She said she didn't know who that was because she hadn't go to know their names yet. Then a minute later we were going over the classes again and I asked Roze, "Would you mind if you traded with me because my daughter is in Knott's class?" She said, "No. I've already learned their names and Mrs. Knotts has shown me how her class works." Can you believe that?! I didn't even know what to say. I could tell Karen and the other woman I work with felt really bad. It's so stupid because we just go in the class once a week for 45 mins and babysit. We don't teach or plan lessons etc. I was really upset. The other woman told me when we were alone that she would have traded with me. I can tell Roze is just going to be "one of those woman" that is hard to work with if you don't do it her way. So after school I talked to Karen about it and she told me she felt bad and would try to switch us after Christmas break. I didn't want her to switch us now because I don't want Roze mad at me already. I'm sure I'll have more stories about sweet Roze.

Ok one of my pet peeves around here is teachers who don't speak proper english. The 2nd grade teacher I was observing today kept saying "I says". I swear if my kids grow up with a Utah hick accent I'm going to lose it!

Pictures of Disney are coming.

My feet are sore!

It's the end of day two and the only complaint I have is that my feet are super sore. I told Ryan we should bring a pedometer next time so we can see how many miles we walk. I get so hungry because we are burning so many calories.

The fires have not affected us at all which is good. It was quite windy on yesterday but today there wasn't any wind at all, which is good for those fighting the fires. It's been hot but I like the heat. There is smoke in the air which makes it look kind of "nuclear winter" outside. The first day I thought I could smell smoke but today I didn't notice it.

Disneyland itself has been perfect. Small crowds means hardly any lines at all. I think the longest we waited was 30 minutes for the new Finding Nemo ride (which wasn't that fabulous in my opinion) and we waited maybe 25 for Splash Mountain last night. Most of the time we walk right onto the ride without waiting at all. Tomorrow is our last day and I talked Ryan into making reservations at the Blue Bayou which is the restaurant inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It's pricey but it's something we've always wanted to do and I can pretty much talk Ryan into anything at Disneyland. It's his happy place. We're also doing the Mickey's Halloween Treat tomorrow night at California Adventures. We brought the girl's Halloween costumes to wear for it.

Today when we were walking out of Toon Town I saw Hanna's music teacher walking toward us. She was so excited to see us she wanted to take a picture with Hanna. Grace was too shy because she didn't have Mrs. Siggard last year in kindergarten.

Tomorrow we'll get in all our favorite rides before we go home. Hanna's favorite is the Grizzly Rapids ride in California Adventures. She gets soaked every time. Grace's favorite is Splash Mountain. I'm a Hollywood Tower of Terror fan myself. Ryan is a traditionalist and his favorite is Thunder Mountain. He also like the Buzz Lightyear ride because he kicks ass at it and enjoys humiliating us.

I think it's time to take an Advil and try to sleep through the pain.

LA's Burning!

Ok LA isn't but Malibu is and basically we can see this wall of smoke coming off the hills. Ryan took a picture from our car but we didn't bring our cable to put it on the computer. It's kind of apocalyptic. The wind if bad also and we've seen 4 or 5 semi-trailers blown over on the side of the highway. I wonder how it will be in Anaheim and if we'll see the sun at all this week? We got to our hotel yesterday afternoon and Hotels.com hadn't send our reservation in. I reserved it over a week ago so it's not like they hadn't had time. I'm not to happy with Hotels.com right now but it all worked out. Our $37/night casino room in Primm wasn't too bad actually which means no visible bodily fluids left behind. I've paid more for worse. Our (borrowed) navigation system says we have 48 miles until we get to our hotel but we're starting to hit that infamous LA traffic which means it could be hours until we get there. We might hit Balboa beach today depending on the weather/fires. If not we'll just walk around Downtown Disney. Tomorrow we go to Disneyland!

Later Suckas!

We're leaving for California and Disneyland tomorrow. I don't think I'll be doing any blog posting since I'll be having too much fun. It snowed here today and it's supposed to be in the high 80's in L.A. Sounds perfect! I'll be thinking about you all when I'm sitting on the beach getting a tan.

Employed or Dying?

My friend karen used to tell me that when she went back to work after being home for 15 years, she felt like she had a terminal illness. That the day she went back to work was the day she would die. Now I understand. This morning I felt nauseous and so anxious I had to take half a Xanax which I only use when I feel "A Big Freak Out" coming. I met with the principal and fascilitator at today and they were very kind and understanding of my craziness. I'm going to work Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. I will cover teacher's classrooms when they are at staff development and I'll do reading recovery with 2nd grade students. I cover for Hanna's teacher which is fun. It's not my dream job but I'll be in the school with the girls and it's only 18 hours a week. I told the principal that my goal was to teach here someday (look at me, self-promoting!). I'll start on the 29th and hopefully it will be Xanax free. I'm feeling good about it but it's hard to give up all this freedom. Just in case you're not familiar with Utah's public school system, I will not be making the big bucks so don't come begging for money.

Hanna got a haircut

We were trying to grow it out but she has the type of hair that gets stringy when it's long. So she and I decided to get it cut. We drove to Amanda's in Heber today and she gave us both lovely haircuts. Hanna thinks she looks fabulous and so do I.

Believe in Your Dreams!

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. On Saturday it was the Utah Share Walk and while I didn't go to the walk, I met up with some of my Share friends after for lunch. I'd met four of the women before but sadly there were two new women there. Each of us has a story that we probably don't tell to many people and it is wonderful to sit at a table and know that you are not making anyone uncomfortable by sharing yours. They ask me about Evie and want to see her pictures. They tell me she was beautiful. I mainly talk about my experience with Evie but I do think about my four miscarriages before she was born. I tend to block those out and focus more on Evie but at the time they happened, they were just as devastating. All the hope you have only to be cut short. It's just all bad and I struggle with the memories on a daily basis. We were asked to share our stories on this day, to let other women know they aren't alone. The other day I was waiting for someone at a department store and happened to wander into the baby clothes. I picked up a 6-9-month-old sleeper and held it next to me. I should be holding a baby that fits into that sleeper. Instead, I held a baby who fit into the palm of my hand. I've been pregnant seven times but I only have two living children. That's my story. Things You Shouldn't Say She must have been special for God to take her. You'll see her again someday. At least you weren't that far along. At least you have two children. Everything happens for a reason. She's in heaven and perfect now. What I Wish Everyone Knew I think about her every day. She was alive for a few minutes after she was born. It's ok to ask me about her. My miscarriages were as emotionally and physically painful as losing Evie. Having two living children doesn't make this easier, just different. I'm still mad. I want to be told I did the right thing or don't say anything at all. We can't/won't have any more children.

Pumpkin Patch

My mom and I took the girls to South Ridge Farms in Santaquin so they could pick out a pumpkin. It's a yearly tradition we have and we always stop at the Red Barn for ice cream after. This year they had these super yummy apple cider donuts that I got because I'm not much of an ice cream eater. If you live in Utah you should check out this place out for the ice cream and really good fudge.


Waiting for the wagon ride with Grandma.


Grace took a long time searching for the perfect pumpkin.


Found them!


Evidence that I was there.