Here's a tip

If you are going to be the owner of a dog, make sure you actually want to interact with that dog. Nice weather has drawn us out of the house and into our yard which means we will now get to hear the neighbor's dog bark at us incessantly. We've been out all morning putting mulch on our beds and the dog barked at us the entire time. Ryan is still out there working and I can hear the dog barking at him. Seriously? I know they hear their dog barking all the time but I guess they just think we all want to listen to that melodious sound. There are five houses on our street and four have dogs. Ryan's mom is the only one who keeps her dog inside. All the other dogs either live in kennels and are rarely seen out of them, or are tied to the house. I bet that's a lot of fun for those dogs.

Hola!

I thought I'd give a quick update from Mexico. I only have 20 minutes and I need to spend some of that sending emails to family so this is going to be short. Oh and I haven't yet mastered this wacky keyboard so things might look crazy.

Highlights
-It's hot and I like it hot.
-The ocean is warm and clear. It's nice when you don't want to be hot.
-The food is free and pretty decent.
-You can wear your swimsuit all day.
-I snorkeled which I'd never done before. I saw many fish.
-You can lay on the beach and swim all day if you want.
-My mom is fun to hang out with.

Not so fun
-You have sand everywhere, all the time. I washed sand out of my crack last night.
-My mom snores (sorry mom) so I'm having to seriously medicate myself to get any sleep.
-"My friend" showed up the day we got here. Had to take care of "lady business" out in the wild.
-I couldn't get my picture taken with a monkey because I'm not good at bartering and $5 is too much to just have a picture with a monkey.
-I wish Ryan was here. Oh the kids would be okay also.


So far the highlights have outnumbered anything bad. I've always wanted to have a vacation like this so I'm really grateful to my mom for inviting me. I'll have a lot of pictures and stories when I get back. Adios!

“Animals are crapping in our houses and we’re picking it up! Did we lose a war? That’s not America! That’s not even Mexico!”

I'm going to Mexico tomorrow! I'm a little worried because weather.com is predicting rain but honestly I'm just excited to have a vacation from life right now. I'm having some serious mental issues lately that make me wonder if I need to be committed or hooked up to a Prozac iv. This whole house-selling-moving-away thing has got my brain going nuts. For some reason it's bringing my self-esteem issues to the surface. "No one likes me!" is something I've been telling myself a lot. In my mind I'm imagining friends pulling away because I'm not a "fun" enough friend. "Other people are much better than me. Of course people would prefer being with them." I'm learning to recognize when the crazy starts to sneak up on me, take deep breaths and say "I'm good enough, smart enough and darnit, people like me!" I'm hoping this trip will help me feel normal again or at least give me a break from the wackiness.
ETA: I'm on day 35. Could that have something to do with my mood? Enough already!

I learned this week that subbing on the second to last week of school is a big mistake. The kids are ready to be out of there and so am I. I get home from a crappy day at work and I don't want to be a mom to my kids. I don't know how you moms who work full-time do it. I think you are awesome and I bow down to you. Sometimes being an adult really sucks.

I also have to mention that I've seen about 350 school programs these last two weeks. Holy crap! If I have to sit through another 45 minute program where kids sing songs about reading, I might just have to drive my car off a cliff. Yes, it's super cute (for the most part) when it's your own kid but not so super cute when it's not and you're responsible for keeping 30 fifth graders quiet.

Oh I also started a blog for our house that is now officially for sale. The link is on the side of this page. I haven't finished it yet but at least it has a few good pictures on it. No full-price offers yet.

I have two kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and two money?

The title of this entry has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about. I heard it on The Simpson's last night and it made me laugh.

Yesterday we met with our realtor and I'm looking forward to working with her. She suggested we price our house at $239,900 which I think might be high but you never know. Of course I think our house is worth that but I'm obviously biased. We're not in a rush so we'll wait and see if anyone bites. We have been cleaning a lot and I'm so sick of it. I wish we could just back a dumpster up the the basement and load it all in.

I "volunteered" at field day today and was assigned to the blow-up bouncy slide. It was hot (93) and I had already been roped into subbing 2nd grade yesterday where they took a walking field trip to the park. So basically in the last two days I have spent 8 hours telling/yelling at kids to "stop that!" Is this why I majored in education? I'm working the rest of the week which is going to make leaving for Mexico even sweeter.

Hanna told us today that her teacher had the test results for the state math test and Hanna received the highest mark, 47/48. This is awesome because I was always intimidated by math and I'd love it if Hanna and Grace didn't have that issue.

Time to end this post because I'm heading to the church for Enrichment (women's night) where they are going to show us how to make food out of our (nonexistent) food storage. Wheat chili! Brownies made out of beans! I'll be there! I'm thinking a trip after it's over to a store that supplies real food might be necessary.

ETA: We left enrichment after the first half hour and went home to watch American Idol. Eeevol!

As long as they're clean, who cares?

I saw this on Postsecret today and wondered for a moment if Ryan had sent this in. He's always complaining about my dishwasher loading abilities. You'd think he'd give up after 14 years but, bless his heart, he keeps trying.

We've been doing a lot of cleaning today getting ready for the realtor to come look at the house. I can't believe the amount of crap we've accumulated over the six years we've lived here. I loaded five bags for charity today and they were all clothes! I haven't even got to the toys and other stuff yet. I'm curious to see what the realtor says about our house and how much we should ask for it. This whole thing is putting me in a state of constant pissiness and I don't think I'm much fun to be around. I'm also regretting my decision to work everyday this week. Technically I have Tuesday off but I'm going to count "volunteering" for field day at school as work. One good thing is that this will make the week go by quickly and come Saturday I'll be on a plane for Mexico with my mom. Hola de vacaciones!

I call it sexy time

Good stuff

I discovered the Betty Crocker Warm Delight Mini Molton Chocolate Cake (whew!) at the grocery store last week. I was going down the cake isle because I was jonesing for cake but there's not really room for it in my daily caloric intake. So yeah, I just walk down the isle and look at the cake hoping that it will satisfy my craving. I saw "150 calories" on the package and decided I could afford that. It was really good! Very moist. It takes 30 seconds to cook in the microwave and with a little canned whipped cream on top, it makes a very satisfying snack. Yesterday I had it with some strawberries and it was a good mix.

This one's trouble

Yesterday in primary (kids Sunday school) they were doing a lesson where the kids had to decide whether the word they picked out of the pile was the responsibility of children, parents or both. I'm in there because I teach the eleven year old girls. Hanna was called up because she was being so reverent and picked the word "clothe" out of the pile. She correctly put it under the "parents" and then one of the leaders asked her to give an example of how her parents clothe her. Hanna paused and I could just feel the little gears in her devious brain working.

"My mom goes shopping every day." she said with a smirk on her face.

The adults in the room start to laugh and look back at me. I give Hanna "the look", roll my eyes and mouth, "that's right." For the next few minutes she keeps looking over at and me and mouthing "what?" with a big smile on her face. So funny.

Best Mother's Day Ever!

"I've decided what I'm going to get you for Mother's Day."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to pay for the bikini wax you are getting for your trip to Mexico without me."

"How about pay for my wax and take me out to dinner?"

"Okay."

"Score!"

Action pants

I was teaching grade one the other day in my $100 jeans. That's right, I spent a ridiculous amount of money on a pair of jeans. I think I'm having some sort of mid-life jean crisis because my mom wouldn't buy me $40 Jordache jeans at Eatons when I was nine. Instead, my mom made my jeans and embroidered rainbows or put stop sign patches on them. Which I now realize was very hard and time consuming for her, so thanks mom. Anyway, back to my $100 jeans. I was lining the kids up for lunch and one of the boys said, "are those Hannah Montana jeans?" "What? No!" That's right, my $100 jeans apparently look like something a tween pop star would wear. Whatever, I still love them.

I was searching for "Hannah Montana jeans" on Google and I came across the greatest thing ever. Action jeans! Chuck Norris is awesome! I'm going to invent a time machine so I can travel back in time and buy a pair of these because I hate it when my jeans bind my legs.

Just who do you think you are, anyway, Mayberry's answer to Cary Grant?

Today was Ryan's big promotion ceremony in Sandy. I'm glad I decided to call in sick (integrity?) so that I could be there to see it. He told me I didn't need to go but when we got there they had each trooper who was promoting introduce their family members who came. Plus the wife or mother was supposed to pin their new badge on. Ryan would have looked like a loser if he didn't have anyone there. Best wife ever!

Ryan being sworn in. I think the guy on the end wore a short sleeve uniform to show off his massive arms. C.E.R.T guys are douchebags. What? Who said that?

I watched the previous wives fumble around with the badges and I wasn't going to do that. I pinned that baby on in seconds. The colonel said, "I think that's a record." I then gave the crowd a thumbs up and cheesey smile. Nothing but entertainment from this one.


Ryan's mom was a very proud. Oh yeah, me too.

"If there's anything that upsets me, it's having people say I'm sensitive." One of Ryan's favourite tv shows is Andy Griffith, so I used some quotes from the show here. I think Ryan wishes he could be Sheriff Taylor but Sergeant Van Fleet is just as good. Plus, I'm a lot less bitchy or bossy than Aunt Bee.

Hanna's emergency kit

Hanna told me the other day that she was taking an "emergency kit" to school with her. I assumed it had a bandage in it and that's about all. Okay, honestly, I just didn't care that much to really think about it. That's the kind of attentive mom I am. Yesterday night Ryan lifted up her backpack to get her lunch box out and he was surprised by how heavy it was. He questioned Hanna about it and she told him it was her "emergency kit" that was making it so heavy. I was in the living room when I hear Ryan telling her that "she is too small to carry a backpack that heavy." Then I hear Hanna start to cry. They were in there for a while talking and Hanna eventually stopped crying. Ryan came out and started to tell me what was going on, except he couldn't talk because he kept laughing. Apparently this was what was in Hanna's "emergency kit":

craft wire
pieced of felt
mirror
(this is where Ryan started to laugh)
three hats
several pairs of gloves "because she might take us with her"
two children's quiz books
pens
picture frame
Montana highway map (apparently our "emergency" involves us driving through Montana)

When Ryan asked her why she needed an "emergency kit", she told him, "because she thought it would be a fun experience." Oh Hanna.