"I resolve to be pious and kind and gentle and - yippee, skippee - I already am! Happy 2010, everybody!"

It was a great Christmas break but now it's back to reality and work. I'm grateful that I have a job that allows me to take this time off. I'm also grateful I live by a rec center that has an indoor pool where I can drop my kids off. I didn't check my work email, turn on my laptop or go anywhere near the school during this break which means I have a lot to do tomorrow. My Christmas decorations are still up in my classroom! Guess I'll be getting to work nice and early tomorrow.

I resolve to have more resolve
I thought about reading more and watching less crappy TV but I now think I can do both. I am cutting "The Hills" out of my Tivo programming. Sorry "Hills" but you are so sucky I can't even watch you for camp value anymore. I'm going to be more positive and smile at strangers more. Go to the dentist and get free teeth whitening. Renew my drivers license because it's been 10 years and my picture is horrible because I was all fat and puffy from having a baby. Turn 36 without curling up in a ball and crying all day. Run the Provo Canyon 1/2 marathon without puking. Wait, this is just my "to do" list. Screw resolutions!

A doctor talks down to me. What a surprise!
During my break I went to see an Endocrinologist. He did a "tsk tsk" when I told him I hadn't bothered to go to one since I was diagnosed as hypothyroid 8 years ago. When I told him I was on a natural thyroid supplement he told me he was going to give me an analogy as to why natural thyroid is inferior to synthetic. "Pretend you're a hunter. Oh this might not be a good analogy for a woman." Oh snap! You did not just say that? Um, I'm pretty sure I can understand your gun/hunting analogy even if I don't enjoy killing animals and am just a silly little woman. I should have told him I used to be really good at shooting gophers on dates. That's right, I once went on a gopher shooting date. Anyway, I forgave him in my mind and let him go on about what he thought I should do with my meds. I gave three vials of blood ("Your veins are small. Your blood flows really slowly.") and found out I'm vitamin D deficient. So he gave me a prescription for three visits a week to the tanning bed. No, I have to take prescription Vit D for a while. Hopefully I start to feel super awesome now and all my problems will be solved.

I have weird quirks
The blood giving reminded me of something weird you might not know about me, I hate veins. Even writing this makes me a little queasy. I don't like my wrists touched (veins are there!), I don't like seeing veins on myself or others and I especially do not want you to ever tell me about your varicose vein surgery. (mom!) You know how Angelina Jolie has those super veiny arms? Well I can't watch a movie with her in it without feeling a bit sick. Oh and I smell like maple syrup after I sleep.

What? Facebook irritates me? Yet I keep going back.
I've been spending some time on Facebook since I was home for break and there is something people do on there that drives me a little nuts. When someone puts on their status that they are sick, in the hospital or (this I find super annoying), when their status is some cryptic thing like, "I hope I survive this", these people will write, "Let me know if there is anything you need me to do for you." If you were really, genuinely concerned about someone and wanted to help them, wouldn't you pick up a phone or stop by their house or just help them without asking? Is someone going to write back on FB, "Yes, I do need help. Please bring me dinner tonight." Probably not, which is why you just help them instead of asking. When you put it on FB it just looks like you are doing it so you appear to others to be helpful or concerned.

A few photos to round things out
I'm getting my haircut this month (on my birthday!) and I had a moment where I thought about cutting it all off again but people in my life intervened and instead I'm trying to do some different things with the longer hair. I used a curling iron and didn't burn any part of me!

Ryan and IKEA teamed up to make our apocalypse bunker more user friendly. There was much swearing involved. Now when the big one hits, we'll have lovely shelves to keep us company. It looks like we'll be eating olive oil, diced tomatoes and toilet paper for fibre.

I did something too! My super awesome cousin Chelle sent me these vinyl dots months ago and I finally put them up in Hanna's room. Chel's going to send me more because I forgot how high the ceilings are.

"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family"

Here is where I get all deep and shit
It was more evident than usual this Christmas that we both come from very small families. This was the first Christmas in a while that we spent entirely alone. Ryan's mom left to visit his sister and his brother and wife were with her family. My brother's family who live in Canada were in Spain and my parents were home in Canada. My kids only have two cousins who we don't get to see often enough. When I was growing up, all of my mom's four siblings lived within driving distance of my Grandma's house. We would get together often with my cousins who lived nearby. I feel for my kids that they don't have this same family dynamic that I did. When we do go to Canada each summer, they love playing with their cousins and I'm happy that the two they do have are their same ages. It's pretty weird in Utah to have such a small family that only seems to be getting smaller. I'm sometimes jealous of people who get together with their large extended families for the holidays. Neither Ryan nor I ever wanted a huge family but we, well mostly I, were hoping for three. My brother and his wife were hoping for more also but neither of us got what we wanted. Christmas is a time that I really feel Evie's absence. I think about how fun it would be to have my three girls opening presents and how fun Christmas morning would be with a almost 4 year old added to the mix.
*I talked to a friend of mine with a large family after I wrote this entry and she said something like, "A big family just means there is more crazy." That's why I loves her.

Christmas!
Our first year with a mantle. I've always wanted to have our stockings that Nana knitted for us hanging on a mantle. Mine is the big one. One of my students gave me the "be merry" sign.

The girls wanted Snuggies for Christmas and I came through. I made them dance in them like they do in the commercial. If only they made them in kitty size.

I'm starting to realize that while Hanna is the size of a little girl (I had to buy her size 7 skinny jeans so they'd actually be skinny.) she is in grade 5 and not such a little girl anymore. I thought this outfit she got for Christmas made her look like such the tween. They do grow up fast.

Here I talk about things I like
I guess this is becoming a regular thing, where I talk about products I like. If I can just help one person, it will worth it. I am in no way compensated for these endorsements. I also feel conflicted because I want to be cool like Mimi Smartypants and not a corporate whore like Dooce. So this is just me talking about things I have purchased and liked enough to want to tell others about.
I like Kiehls lip gloss. My friend Christine had some and she is cool so I thought I'd try some. It smells great, is the perfect consistency, not too sticky and lasts quite a long time. It's $14.50 at Nordstrom and I like the clear but they have all kinds of great colors.

I got a sample of this parfum at Nordstrom when I bought some makeup and I really like it. It was sold out when I decided to finally buy it but when I searched online, I saw that Target sells it too. The description describes it as: "Romantic and sensual, this alluring floral fragrance contains vanilla, musk and violet." They'll make you a free sample at Nordstrom if you want to try it. Oh and my birthday is in 2 weeks.

American Eagle skinny jeans. Relatively cheap (all are on sale right now), stretchy and look good when tucked into boots which is the only way grown women should wear them. The only downside is the low rise. I just wear longer shirts over them.

"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah. "

Christmas Vacation is such a great movie. We are getting geared up to watch it on Christmas Eve and I thought this quote from it would be a great blog title. I finished work today and all is well. The kids had a great last couple of days but I could tell we were all ready for a break. I plan to spend the next 12 days not doing much at all. I have my annual Lord of the Rings trilogy marathon to look forward to but other than that, it's going to be rest time. It's been a good year and we have a lot to be grateful for. The "Year of Shea" went pretty well. Getting my job was awesome but it's also been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm hoping 2011 will be even better. I want to wish all my friends and family a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year!

I wanted a picture of the girls in their Christmas dresses before church on Sunday. Hanna showered late so I had to just pull her hair back, ruining my perfect matching curl/matching dress idea.

Then they wanted the cat in the picture. Whatever. I've learned over the last 10 years that there is never going to be a "perfect" picture so I try not to stress about it as much anymore.

Hanna wanted to do a special pose just for Karen.

This is how Lucy spends a lot of her day, cradled like a baby. The cat might soon forget how to walk.

A special gift from me to you...

They've got cars big as bars, they've got rivers of gold...

I was listening to "Fairytale of New York" in the car one day and the girls asked me what song it was. I told them it was a Christmas Song and Hanna said, "That's a weird Christmas song." It is but for some reason I like it and it's a good song to run to. The other day my friend from England said on her FB status that she was wrapping presents and listening to it, so I guess I'm not the only one who likes a "weird Christmas song".

After feeling kind of depressed for a week and not running or exercising, I got back on track this weekend. I ran 4 miles on Saturday and last night I woke up with horrible hip pain. You know when you're laying there thinking, "I should go get some Advil." but you never actually find the gumption to do it. So I just endured the pain all night. Today I realized that I'm getting old (36 in almost exactly a month) and I probably need to stretch more before and after my runs. If you have a runner that you are buying presents for, I once again will say how much I love my Nike+ that plugs into my iPod and gives me sweet, sweet data. Oh how I love the data. If you don't wear Nike shoes, which I don't, you just buy a little neoprene pouch that Velcros to your shoe and you put the sensor in that. Since I started using my Nike+ in January I've had 103 workouts and ran 393 miles. I don't know what it is about the Nike+ or the sweet data it gives me but it has been the greatest motivating tool ever. Thanks Becks.

My mom sent me pictures that documented a couple of our Christmas tree outings. I especially like in the first picture I have a bag of Old Dutch chips next to me. I think the reason I'm 5'1" is because my diet during my development involved a lot of chip eating. Not smoking in a closet like Ryan imagines. Also there is some good touque wearing going on in this photo.

I like this one because Mom and Monti look super happy to be there. I think I remember this was one where we had to keep going to find the perfect tree (Dad!) and suddenly we were 10 miles from our truck.

Another installment of "Something I've Bought and Liked" involves my Steve Madden boots I bought at Nordstrom. I walked by them this summer when they were on sale and they called to me. The greatest thing about them is they fit my weird calves. I'm so short that boots hit me at a weird spot on my calves, so it's hard to find a pair that aren't super snug. I can tuck jeans into these so there is plenty of room. They are comfortable and look great with skirts and dresses so I can wear them to work.

Not enough kittens in the world could ease this case of the sads

Horrible week from Wednesday on. Cry, cry, sad, angry, hurt, dejected and depressed. Trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps. Luckily I have a lot of supportive friends, family and coworkers (holla team!) that have really helped me make it through. If I talk about this too much, friends, family and coworkers, please just roll your eyes in your head and go to your happy place.

Dancin'
My kids are from Utah (it physically hurts to say that) so from now on I'll not use the G at the end of words to make them feel more comfortable. Grace had a dance recital on Thursday. She did a great job and looked super cute. I wish they could have done their "Thriller" dance because that is the dance I make her do when I need to laugh. It's awesome! Grace was very excited to wear makeup and told me she needed a lot or she'd "get lost in the lights."

Grace is the short one at first and then she is in front on your right. Not a very great video since it was taken with the camera.

Untitled from Shea Van Fleet on Vimeo.

My not so skinny jeans
I check out a couple of fashion blogs and one of them (The Frugal Fashionista) told me that American Eagle Outfitters had cheap skinny jeans. So I ordered a few pair with a coupon I had and was not horrified when trying them on. It might have helped that above crisis had me not eating for a few days. I wore them on my Friday shopping trip with Karen, tucked into my boots and I felt really "fashiony". The Down East Outfitters in the Orem mall has a fantastic skinny mirror that you have to experience before you die. It's even better than the Nordstrom bathroom mirror. Go, stand in front of it and you'll forget all your troubles.

I lied, the kitten helps
As I was writing this blog post I started to wonder where the cat was. I turn around to look at the Christmas tree and this is what I see...

Lucy was about 6.5 feet up inside the Christmas tree. Irritating and adorable at the same time. A friend gave us the bowling ornament because Ryan and I met in the BYU bowling alley.

Like boxes of sh*t in your house?

Apparently we do because we rescued a kitten this week. I like to say "rescued" because it makes me feel all noble instead of just being idiotic. Last Sunday I was looking out our kitchen window and witness the ground alive with kittens. I gasped (because that's the reaction you should have when you see a lot of kittens) and told the girls to get out there and catch me a kitten to hold. This wasn't hard for them to do because there ended up being about 9 of them living in a pile of tires. There was one in particular that was very sweet and tiny and the perfect color. After discussing with/badgering Ryan about the kittens, "I" decided it was not a good idea. The next day, said cute kitten just happened to show up at our door and I told the girls to put it in a box in the garage. Once they are in a box in the garage, they are pretty much yours unless you want to make your kids really unhappy. So we now have a fish and a cat. Lucy is very sweet and very tiny. The vet weighed her in at 1.3 lbs but she is healthy. We all like her very much and she seems happy to entertain us with her antics.
Little Miss Lucy the day we found her in the tire colony. I must clarify that it is not our pile of tires but the older neighbor man who uses his back lot as a dumping ground.

I tried to take a picture showcasing Lucy's kitten cuteness but the best I got was this out of focus one.

Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?
I've been having some health issues lately that are pretty annoying. One symptom is my skin/hair being so dry it's ridiculous. Oh and I eat 1200 calories/day, run or do spin almost daily, yet still remain the same weight. Yeah I'm superficial like that (according to my cyber-fan out there) but if I'm going to work that hard I want to see some results. I'm pretty sure this is related to my hypothyroidism and I've decided it's time to see an Endocrinologist about it. I was diagnosed by a family doctor 8 years ago and since them have only seen an Endo once years ago and it was mostly to discuss my miscarriage problems. Since then my doctor's visits have gone something like this:

Me: This is what I think is wrong and this is what I read on the internet about how I should be treated.
Family Doc: Sounds good. I will take some blood tests then my nurse will call you with the results. She will not explain what the results mean but will just up your dose.
Me: The internet tells me you should also run this test.
Family Doc: Whatever you want.

While I think my family doctor is a decent doctor, he just doesn't know enough about my hypo to treat me well. Hopefully the Endo will be able to help me feel better.

Stuff it in baby!
I'm kind of liking this new section title thing I'm doing. Helps me sort my thoughts and makes the writing easier. What are your thoughts? Annoying? I went shopping by myself this Saturday and decided I would succumb to my fashion victimness by purchasing some skinny jeans. Only to wear tucked into boots mind you. I'm not delusional enough to think these short ham hocks are going to look good in them unassisted. Remember when we used to peg our jeans? I'd take my Levi's home and sew the bottom half of the leg tight but they weren't tight on top too. Anyway, I will just let you know that unless you are 5'10" and 115 lbs, trying on these jeans can be painful. Also, am I the only one who thinks that the young sales girls are secretly laughing at me behind my back? "Yes, I saw her. Not another 30 something who thinks they are 20 something. HAHAHAH!" Admittedly I'm insecure about my body and especially my legs but still, it was torture. In the end I gave up on my SamRo (for you Beck) look.

Oh Clark, it's beautiful!
I've been getting into the Christmas spirit by decorating the house. We still haven't got our decorations out of storage so I've been using poinsettias to decorate. I love the way they look at they are relatively cheap. So if you haven't given poinsettias a chance, I recommend you do. The new tree is working out nicely also and I'm excited to have a mantle to hang stockings on.

Clark! I don't want to spend the Holidays dead!

Where I break my parent's hearts
I love Christmas time. I thank my parents for making Christmas such a magical time even when I know it was probably financially irresponsible of them to do so. One thing I really liked that we did as a family was cut down our own Christmas tree. We didn't go every year but pretty close. I have some wonderful memories of being in the forest, picking out a tree which would end up being too large for our home (they always look smaller in the forest), dragging a tree many miles back to our truck, only to find that the battery was dead. We made the best of it by starting a fire and roasting weiners until someone rescued us. I tried a few times in Utah to get a permit to cut down a tree but it always seemed like such a big hassle. We would end up spending a lot of money on a tree that wouldn't smell and usually became a fire hazard a few days later. Last year I started to toy with the idea of a fake tree. Ryan has been in my ear about one for years but I was raised with a real tree and it's hard to let those traditions go. Karen saw a tree at Costco that she liked and so I looked at it next time I was there. It looked really good and once I even suggested it to Ryan, he was all over it. So today I bought an artificial tree and I can hear my parents gasp all the way from Canada. I'm already thinking about how easy this tree is going to be and it's making me happy.

Where I work like a big girl
Today I was observed in class by my principal. I'm the queen of procrastination but I took the advice of other teachers and scheduled it early. I almost emailed him yesterday and told him I wasn't ready because I was so nervous. Ryan got called to a dead body early this morning so the girls came to school really early with me. They were my "students" while I practiced my lesson. I think that really helped as did advice from my teaching team. In the meeting with my principal after he told me I was a great teacher and they were glad to have me. Who doesn't like to hear things like that? Oh and Ryan's Lt. said he was the bestest dead body detective evahs! Look at us being grown up and professional.

Where I don't parent badly
The other day Ryan asked Grace to put away a crayon that he had found in the kitchen. She thought he was accusing her of leaving a crayon in the kitchen (pretty sure he was correct) and told him, "no" she would not put the crayon away. She walked into her room while Ryan stood shocked. He then went into her room and had a "discussion" with her, that I could hear in the living room. A few minutes later she came out looking very sad and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me that "Dad swored at her. Swored in her face!" I tried to suppress laughter as I asked her what "swear" he had used. "He said the D and H swear." I asked Ryan if this was true and he admitted that he had and he didn't feel one bit bad about it. I told Gracie that it was very sad that Dad "swored" at her while I gave Ryan the "I'm the better parent today" look. I think I should add that we don't swear at our children normally but every parent has their breaking point and I think Ryan's was when he found a moldy plastic lunch bag in Grace's jeans laying on the floor.

Where I talk about products I like to purchase
If you had told me a few years ago I'd like wearing blush, I would have said, "SHUT UP!" while I pushed you Elaine style. I do like to wear it! I'm totally into the Clinique Blushwear Cream Stick in Rosy Blush and it's bonus time at Nordstrom now so you can buy it and get a free gift.


Like dark chocolate? Like pomengranates? Like nuts and gum, they can only be delicious together and now they are. Brookside Dark Chocolate Covered Pomegranates are available at Costco and there is a coupon for them this month. Also 20 pieces are only 180 calories. Joy!


Ugh, I feel like such a fashion victim because I wear Uggs. They were my Christmas present to myself last year and I LOVES them. I know they are so 2006 but due to my hypothyroidism, my feet are always cold and they keep them so toasty warm. Ryan HATES the Uggs. He thinks it's like wearing slippers in public. But I wear a lot of things Ryan doesn't like, think flip-flops and ruffles. Oh and here is a tip, they stretch so buy yourself a smaller size than you normally would. I can save money by buying the child's size 4 and they fit perfectly. Hint, hint Ryan.

Write damnit!

Working is definitely cutting into my blogging time and I really think I don't feel as good when I don't write. So I'm writing on my laptop while I watch the season finale of Mad Men. Look at me, multitasking! Work is work. I feel a lot like I did when I first became a mom to a colicky baby girl, overwhelmed. I don't think I'll ever love teaching as much as I love Hanna but I'm hoping that I learn to love it in a different way. I taught a lesson today on the sense of sight and I had one of those teaching moments where I felt like they might actually be learning something and having fun doing it. The cool thing is, almost like your own children, first graders love their teachers even when you maybe aren't exactly loving them. We had a good Halloween but I have to admit I'd rather have my eyes poked out than parade in and out of all 30+ classrooms, parent packed hallways and gym in my Jack Sparrow costume. I'm sure as the years go on I'll get more used to it or I'll just keep going to my happy place.

Happy Halloween!

Grace brought a fun surprise home from school this week, a goldfish! No warning, nothing, just came into my room after school with a goldfish in a bag. Apparently all the kids got one. I won't go into how many ways I think this is wrong but we have the damn goldfish so we are going to take care of it. I secretly hoped it would die in the night. Yep I'm that kind of heartless person, but it lived. I went to Walmart the next morning, got it an aquarium and some food and Kelly seems to be adjusting well to life in our home. I'm kind of digging it now because the kids get a pet they can take care of and I'm not emotionally attached to it. Unfortunately, Ryan and the kids are attached to Kelly so I hope she plans to live for a while.

Saturday night Ryan and I went to a party for the opening of our stylist's salon. That's right, Ryan goes to the same stylist Karen and I got to. I've been going to Chad for about 3 years now. It was after Evie was born and I was feeling the urge to cut all my hair off. Karen took me with her to Chad and he cut my hair all off without an appointment. Plus, it looked great. I tried to break away from Chad when gas was up to $4/gallon and I was driving from Santaquin to Sugarhouse but no one could compare. I heart the Chad. Chad is the only person who has ever cut Ryan's hair where Ryan didn't feel mad after. I think if Ryan were gay, which he isn't, he and Chad would make a nice couple. So if you're looking for a great stylist, check out Chad at bspace salon.

Bread and peas

When Ryan and I were first married and going to school in Laramie, we were really poor. I couldn't work because I was in the country illegally and Ryan was taking a lot of credits so he could finish quickly. We lived on a very meager student loan and a small grant. Ryan's parents had bought a very small, one bedroom (without at door) home for us, which was great because we had no rent. We had utilities, food, car insurance, gas for car, tuition/books and that was about it. We used rabbit ears on an old TV we were given and that got us two channels. All our furniture was handed down and our couch was as old as Ryan's dad. We didn't go out to eat except for birthdays or anniversaries and our food budget was $25/week. I remember one day we had nothing to eat in the house and I begged Ryan to take me to MacDonald's to get the two cheeseburger meal ($2.99 and we shared it). He wouldn't do it and so that night we had homemade bread and frozen peas. Now, whenever there isn't anything in the house to eat we always joke that, "It's time for bread and peas." or "Can't be worse than bread and peas." As you might guess, Ryan is the financially responsible one in our home. It's great because of him, we've pretty much remained debt free our entire marriage. We've had a car payments but we are always able to pay them off before the time period is up. Small student loans and once, when Ryan couldn't find work after he graduated, we had a couple of months where we had to rollover the Discover card. Things would have remained this way if it hadn't been for the evil GapVisa. I like to shop. It makes me feel good and I should probably get help for it but we never got that far in therapy. Anyway, when I found out I was going to have a big girl income this fall, I kind of went on a big girl shopping binge. I thought I had it under control but kind of like my weight, I chose to follow the "ignorance is the best policy" about the actual balance. Long story short, we had to use a couple months of my salary to pay this off. It sucks when you are basically working to pay off a bill. But it is paid off and once again we are debt free which is a good feeling. It got me thinking back to when we spent $25/week on food and thinking if we lived that frugally now, we'd have a lot of money to do some really fun things. I know it's not feasible to spend on $25/week on food but I would like to cut down on some of the habits we've started since I began working full-time. I've got big plans for Europe 2011, which will probably be a lot more fulfilling than a new pair of jeans.

Our first anniversary. We are sitting on our 50 year old couch. I don't know why Ryan is wearing sunglasses but I guess they were his anniversary present. I don't know why you're smiling Simon, once the bread and peas are gone, you're next.

Random I know, but here are the girl's school pictures. Hanna is grade five.

Grace, grade three

E.T. is not going to let you anywhere near those paper towels

We had parent teacher conferences two weeks ago which Ryan went to because I was doing my own and couldn't get away. Apparently both girls have straight A's which is great but then I started thinking that they'd only been in school 30+ days. Hanna has been bringing home some story problems that are giving me flashbacks to being in grade five and hating story problems. I usually tell her I can't figure it out and then Ryan does it in about five seconds while giving me a look that says to me, "Seriously? This isn't the brain buster you thought it was."

Ryan needed a roll of paper towels today and asked Grace is she would run downstairs and get him some out of the storage room. She said she'd have to get Hanna to go down with her because she was afraid. Long story short, she won't go into the basement alone because she is afraid of E.T. Yep, that beloved alien that both Ryan and I had stuffed dolls of as children, terrifies Grace. Apparently she thinks E.T. might pop out from around a corner in our basement. She started crying and so we pushed her into the basement and locked the door. Haha! No, we let it go but told her she'd probably have to learn to like the basement since she would have a room down there someday.
Grace: "With Hanna?"
Me: "No. With E.T."
I thought that was pretty funny but it just made her cry again and made Ryan give me a nasty look.

See Grace, Michael Jackson isn't afraid.

Ryan checked Hanna out of school early yesterday because she had to get a spacer/retainer thing put in so her mutant teeth don't get more mutanty. He sent me this picture from the dentist and all I could think was, "JAWS!"

Ryan doesn't like the bangs. He keeps making little comments about how he likes the, "brushed to the side." He's just not on the cutting edge like I am and has a thing where he wants me to look like I did when we met in bowling class 16 years ago. I found this picture of me the last time I had full bangs. I must have been about seven and going through a Little House phase.

Things get done and life is good

Look at us accomplishing things! The last few weeks have been pretty crazy around here. Ryan has been working hard in the yard and I've been working hard at school. I had my first parent teacher conferences and I think they went well. I had a number of parents say their kids loved me and loved coming to school, plus no complaints. I was very relieved when both 13 hour days were over and now kind of know what to expect for future conferences. Work still continues to kick my butt daily but I'm trying to take deep breaths and ride the wave. Some days I accomplish this, other days I start crying in guided reading because I feel like I'm failing my students. I'll find my groove. I've been struggling lately with my eating and exercising. I thought I'd lose weight when I started working but the stress has been making me snacky. I started spin classes again at the gym because I was getting bored with running. So far I haven't had to fight anyone for a bike like I did at Gold's. We'll see how it looks in January when all the resolution people put in their month of exercise. So yeah, this is the rambling I do inside my head when I feel bad about myself physically which is what has been going on lately.
The grass! It's very exciting for people who took years to get their yard "finished" at their old house. Don't be too jealous because all our sod was free. Our neighbors had coupons from when they built their houses and never used them. They love us so much, they gave us theirs. The sprinklers were not free but so, so worth it. Spring will be planting time because I have plans for a lot of trees.

Our regulation size croquet field in the backyard. We wanted an area that we could play games on and not worry about our ball rolling off a cliff or into a forest like at our old house.

Who is going to build me a big pergola? Come on, someone wants to do that. Please?

We gave our our front room when we built this house and until the girls move into the basement, we are without an office. Our computer hutch was getting stuffed full of papers etc, so we have been in the market for a desk type thing for our kitchen. Unfortunately it had to be only 22 inches wide. Karen worked her magic again and found us a tower from an entertainment system that fit perfectly. IKEA provided the office containers and I think it will work well.

I got a haircut! Chad sat me down and said, "Dark and bangs." I said, "Are you sure?" I'm getting used to it but I haven't had bangs since I was 8 so it's a weird feeling. Ryan said I looked like Veronica but a couple of kids at school said I looked like Velma from Scooby-Doo. I thought early 90's Brenda Walsh.

All the kids at the zoo. I'm glad I have good friends and that they put up with me.

Where I fail parenting 101

Hanna and I have this Saturday morning ritual where she takes gymnastics at the rec center while I run on the treadmill. After we are done, we stop and get her a treat and me a drink. On the way to Treatsville this Saturday, we drove by a box of free kittens. If you aren't a reader of my blog I will explain to you that, I like the kittens. I want a kitten but I'm pretty realistic right now about how much time and energy I can devote to taking care of a pet. So instead, I get my kitten fix from neighbors or people giving them away on the side of the road. Here is where I made the most basic of parenting mistakes. I said to my 10 year old daughter, "Let's go look at those kittens." In her mind I said, "Let's get a kitten!" It is totally my fault. I remember being that age and wanting a kitten because my dad would promise me a kitten, then stop by the animal shelter and instead, get the tom cat who was on death row. This is why we had a string of "Sammys" growing up. I now see this as very sweet but at the time I was heartbroken. When I finally did get my kitten (after dad also got a death row cat) I really loved her. So I know that little girls love kittens and my kids have made it clear that we are horrible parents for not allowing them to have a pet. Oh wait, we did have a pet and that did not end well for anyone except the dog who went to a better home. We stopped, petted the cats and then I said, "You can ask your dad but I don't think it's going to happen." Making parenting mistake #2 by setting Ryan up to be the bad guy. Let's just say it was not a happy morning for anyone. Once again my kids were crying inconsolably for, what seemed like, hours. Even after telling them that we would eventually get a kitten when our life had settled down some, they continued to be upset. I called Karen after I escaped the House of Misery to get some gas at Costco and she said, "WHAT?! You never take kids to see an animal you aren't prepared to take home." So wise.

Grace wrote this note and taped it to her bedroom door. I'm going to blame the spelling and handwriting on uncontrollable rage.

The kids during happier times. These are the post haircut photos.

Don't be jealous but I'm Follower of the Month

I'm honored to be Ter's (With An Angel On My Shoulder) "Follower of the Month" for October. Yeah, I'm that cool. Ter and her blog are awesome! We met on the SHARE site a few years ago after both suffering the loss of a daughter. Ter has since also lost her husband and she has handled it all with grace. I especially like that Ter is from Manitoba because she's Canadian and the first person I know from Manitoba.

With An Angel On My Shoulder

Time for kittens and bunnies

The other day I had something hurtful happen to me in the blogging world (I refuse to use the word "Blogosphere") and it got me thinking about something that has bothered me for a long time. You might say it's one of my pet peeves. I don't like it when adults think all rude behaviour is excused because, "That's how I am. I say anything I want to and if you don't like it, suck it!" I've met a few people like this in my life and I find them super irritating. Why, just because you are "that type of person" can you get away with horrible behaviour and why do some adults think this is an acceptable excuse? I was working in the PTA as treasurer the same year I got pregnant with Evie. I ended up being in the hospital having her the week school started. Actually, I remember it was the day before Grace started Kindergarten because I knew I had to get out of the hospital or heaven forbid I would miss Grace's first day. Let's just say I don't remember much of that walk to school because I was hopped up on all types of good drugs. I should have quit the PTA but for some bizarre reason I stayed in and I did a really shitty job. In my defense I do remember some mention of, "Don't you worry. You just do what you can." I hated going to meetings because all social situations caused me anxiety. This was before I wised up and listened to my therapist when he told me it was okay to take the occasional Xanax. Just the sight of certain people threw me into a panic and some of those people happened to be in the PTA. I did work with some women who I love to this day because they kept me sane that year. Then there was a woman who was very demanding and would often call me up and harass me if I missed a meeting. I had lost a child a few months earlier so I wanted to say to her, "Listen sister! It's amazing I'm able to get up in the mornings. So if I miss a damn PTA meeting, you might want to cut me some slack." This woman constantly did things like this and the one time I complained to a fellow PTA member about it, her reply was, "That's just the way she is. Don't take it personally." Oh, okay. I will remember that when I feel like yelling at someone, which happens a lot. Throw away all conventions of society because, "That's the way I am." I try to be nice on this blog, I really do. I know I've made mistakes when I've started ranting and I apologize. I will most likely continue to make mistakes but I don't intentionally try to hurt anyone. I also don't excuse my behaviour by saying, "That's how I am. Take it or leave it." I know I put myself out there and that means that I open myself up to people who disagree, which I'm totally cool with. Believe me, I know some people might not like me and that's okay. We don't all have to like each other but we do, as human beings, have to be civil.

Now think happy thoughts while looking at this kitten. You can't stay mad while looking at kittens.

Finally, the house

We've lived here for seven months and I'm finally getting around to posting house pictures on the blog. I kept thinking, "I'll wait until I hang this picture or get this decorated" but I finally realized that it's never going to be perfect so I might as well just do it now. We (well mostly Ryan) did a big cleaning of the house on Saturday so I thought it would be a perfect time to take photos. I did a couple of little videos in areas that are hard to photograph. I like living here, a lot. Santaquin was great too but I'm glad if we had to move, we moved to a place I like as well as this.

Not a staged photo, Ryan was actually making the bed. He's a pretty awesome husband and I would recommend all you unmarried women get a man like him. Lays sod during the day, then cleans the house at night. He's dreamy.

This is Grace's room and desk. I made them clean their rooms before they left to stay at Nana's. Sweet Grace, such a messy, messy girl but she did a good job of cleaning.

Grace put the sheets on her bed and made it, which is great because I hate changing sheets. I love that my kids are getting to the age where they can do my work.

Looking into Hanna's room. This child started to cry when I asked her to put the sheets on her bed because, "she had already made it for the pictures!" Girls.

This is looking in from the front door.

Front entry area. The desk was made by Ryan's grandpa and the painting was given to us by his grandma.

Looking from the living room to the front entry.

View of the living room from the kitchen. The one arch goes to the front entry and the other one goes to our bedroom. Orbs! Our house is so haunted.

Living room and those are the pendants lights we put in above the island. Ryan was terrified he was going to be electrocuted even though the electricity was turned off. He really does have an unnatural fear of electric shock.

Kitchen. Where I occasionally cook and Ryan cleans. I really like our Corian countertops. My favourite thing is the built in sink.

Dining area. I HATE the light over our kitchen table and am saving up for a new one. It was the best lighting package they had that we didn't have to upgrade to. I might have chosen differently now but I'll get the one I want soon.

Living room. I loves the gas fireplace. I camped out in front of it all winter. The painting was given to us by Ryan's grandma. They are the main reason we have furniture and art. Karen supplies all the other furniture. Shout out to Karen at the RC Willey Outlet in Provo!


Our bedroom and bathroom. I'm going to resist saying, "This is where the magic happens."

The girl's "wing". I really like them being on the opposite side of the house. It's like they don't even exist. "winky emoticon"