Lucky Number 13

Thirteen years ago today Ryan and I got married much too young. As stupid as we were it has worked out pretty well in my opinion. I'm not one to get all mushy but I still like Ryan which I think is more important than loving someone (although I do love him). I like hanging out with him and I still think he's pretty cute. He's also turned out to be a fabulous father which was a nice surprise. So here's to 13 years and hoping there are 13 (or so) more!

Getting to know each other in the fall of 93


Don't we look too young to be doing this?

I Like the Internet

I went to the Memorial on Saturday for Bethany's daughter Elizabeth. I went out to lunch before the memorial with four other women I met through Share. It was so wonderful to sit and talk to these women about our losses. I know some friends and family thought it would be depressing but it was really helpful to talk face to face with other women who had lost a child. The more I talk the less I feel alone. We talked about how pregnancy/infant loss is such a strange thing to experience. Mainly because people don't know how to react to you. In the end you feel so alone and isolated. So this is why I like the internet because it can bring people together who normally would never get to meet each other. When I was with these women I could talk about things I can't talk about with anyone else. Feelings I have that I'd never admit to anyone else, I'll admit to them and they understand because they've had them also. Anyway the memorial was lovely and it got me thinking about what I want to do for Evie's birthday. I think I'd like to donate some items in her name to the NICU at the University of Utah where we had her. They were amazing to us there and I'd like to give something back. As hard as it is for me to think about Evie and what has happened I really want her to be a part of our family in a positive way. I want there to come a day when I think about her and I feel happy instead of sad. I'm still mad she's gone and I don't think it's fair but I don't want these feelings to be what I feel when I think about Evie. So I keep plugging along working on the grief and it seems to be getting easier. I have come to realise I don't think there will be a day that I don't think about her but I hope that those thoughts will someday be happy instead of sad.

I Love Tina Fey

There I said it! I have a girl crush on Tina Fey. I want her to move to Santaquin and become part of the group. Oh the fun times we'd have together. I have another confession to make. I am somewhat addicted to Dlisted.com and it only made me love Tina more to hear that she is also addicted to it. I really thought I was alone out there and I was also ashamed. Here is a link to Tina talking about her Dlisted problem.

Tina Fey Confesses

Proof That I Was The Grade Six Bubble Gum Blowing Champion

Look at my cousin Chelle staring at me in amazement.

Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone

I belong to a pregnancy and infant loss support board called Share. It's a national organization that I was told about at the hospital when we had Evie. The women I've met through the message boards have helped me in so many ways. I was able to connect with other women who went through very similar situations. One woman I met soon after we had Evie was such a comfort and I'll never forget how she helped me work through some of the grief. I've left the board at times because it was too hard to hear more heartbreaking stories but I've always come back. Now I try to help other women who have had recent losses and I still go there for comfort. You would not believe some of the stories these women have. I thought my story was horrible enough but it is nothing compared to what some women have gone through. There are a few women from Utah on there and one is having a memorial for her stillborn daughter in Salt Lake this Saturday. I was invited to attend a lunch and then go to the memorial from there. It's hard for me to meet people that I don't really know that well but they've all been so nice that I'm sure it will be great. I know it's going to be emotional and it will have me thinking about Evie but I'm glad that I'll be able to support someone when they need it.

Moab Was Fun

Arches National Park is pretty spectacular. The day we hiked it was really windy and at times the gusts were scary especially when you are standing on the edge of a cliff. We hiked to Delicate Arch and Landscape Arch. The hike to Delicate Arch was a bit strenuous and I'm thinking if you were doing this hike in the dead of summer you would be really unhappy at times. We got to the top and a couple of hikers coming down warned us about the wind. It had been windy all day but nothing that I thought we needed to be warned about. Well I was wrong! It was VERY windy and the girls and I ended up not even walking down to Delicate Arch because I had visions of them flying off the egde of a cliff. It was a good time though and the hotel we stayed in was very nice. Moab itself is a becoming a little touristy but we did eat at a really good pizza place. We went with Quists which was fun.


Hanna and Grace at Balance Rock



Delicate Arch


Braving the wind for a family picture


The Five Gossips (haha)



If you want to see all the photos Ryan took with his new Canon EOS 20D just leave your email in the comment section.

What the Flip Were the Van Fleet's Doing in Moab?

It's spring break for part of next week so I booked us a hotel room at the Holiday Inn located in Moab, UT. We're going to spend most of the time at Arches National Park hiking and exploring. I found the only hotel with an indoor pool so we'll be swimming a lot also. It's supposed to be 75 there which is perfect. The only other time I've been to Moab was in 1996 when we were driving back from a trip Ry and I took to California. We stopped at the Moab Denny's really late at night because I was starving and Denny's was the only thing open. I remember Ryan not being too happy about spending money on fancy Denny's fries.

Walmart I Loathe Thee

I can't really put my finger on why I really hate Walmart. I know it should be for political reasons but mainly it's that they suck so much money out of our bank account. It's my fault because I'm lazy. It's just easy to go to Walmart and really it's the only store in town unless you want to pay extra. Economically it makes sense for us to shop there but I don't like this big corporation, which is slowly becoming a monopoly, taking all our money. We tried for a bit to shop at the local grocery stores but it took a lot longer and I had to stop at Walmart after anyway to buy household products. So once again Walmart won. What brought on this rant was today I had to go there to pick up supplies for a district PTA meeting our school was hosting. We had ordered a vegetable tray on Monday and told them we needed it by 9am today. I got to Walmart at 9pm and shopped around for a few other things we needed for the meeting. By the time I got to the deli to pick up the tray it was 9:25 (Walmart is also a time sucker) and when I asked for our tray the deli worker said it wasn't ready. She had not checked the orders that morning and hadn't made the tray. She said she could get it done in 20 minutes. I was mad but what could I do? So 30 minutes later I had my vegetable tray. She told me she was sorry and since it was their fault she would charge me for a medium size tray instead of a large. Wow! That is some customer service. You screw up and give me a couple of dollars off. If there had been time I'd have asked to speak to a manager but I was already late so I just checked out and left. I think I have a renewed desire to do my grocery shopping somewhere else.

My Head Almost Exploded

My parents wanted to have a picture taken that included me, my mom and the girls. I do this to make them happy because I love them. I absolutely hate having my picture taken professionally. I also have issues with how my girls look. I'm a picture perfectionist and I want their true cuteness captured. This has happened a few magical times but I don't know if today was one of them. Both girls have this weird "picture smile" that drives me insane. I've yet to see this smile anywhere but in a portrait studio. Hanna looks like she is gritting her teeth and Grace won't open her mouth. So we had to pick one that had both in it because it's the only one where both my mom and I looked normal. The one of them standing up was cute I thought. I'm so glad it's over.


The pictures we bought.




The other two I liked but haven't decided on yet.

Blog Hiatus

My parents came from Alberta this week so I'm taking a break from the blog. Nothing too exciting going on to write about anyway except that I'm eating a lot of dill pickle chips and canadian chocolate. I'll pretty much be living at the gym until the water park opens.