"Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast?"

Hanna has had a cough for over a month now and since there wasn't an accompanying sickness, I didn't think much off it. Last weekend she had a low fever one day and was pretty lethargic. After that, she had a rash on her torso and the cough seemed to worsen. My kids aren't sick much. Believe me, it's nothing we do here except maybe try to eat well. I think we are just lucky. We moved here two years ago and Hanna has never been to the doctor. The only reason Grace has was due to a planter's wart on her foot. So I'm not one to run to the doctor for a cough but once she had the freaky rash, I thought it was time. Plus, she needed to get her DTap booster before Jr. High and this way I could kill two birds with one stone. Guess what? The kid has bronchitis! My dream to win Mother of the Year is slowly fading. While we meeting with the doctor I had this weird feeling of deja vu. I had been in this situation before, but I was the kid not the mom. I'm getting to this weird stage of life with my kids where I remember being their age and going to the doctor with my mom. It's a weird feeling because I still feel like I should be the kid. We went to Costco after to fill the prescriptions and due to them being idiots, it took forever. I started to whine because I was still in my work clothes/heels which are uncomfortable and I just wanted to go home. Hanna was telling me it would be okay, then laughed and said, "It's like I'm being the mom and you're the kid." That's right sister, feel free.

Nana gave Hanna a paint by numbers kit and wanted me to take a picture of it.


Live blogging while watching the Oscars
I doubt your Oscar party is as cool as mine. We have diet cranberry juice and caramel popcorn. I'm watching the red carpet at the moment and it got me thinking about a couple of things I read this week. First was an very well-written article trying to achieve bodies like celebrities.

New York Post reporter Mary Huhn had five pounds to lose before her wedding, and created what she is calling the Black Swan diet. It basically consists of eating only 1,200 calories a day—all vegetarian dishes (Portman is famously a vegan)—and doing "two hours of exercise a day—with a mix of ballet classes, swimming (Portman did a mile a day), circuit training and whatever extra cardio I could manage." This included several ballet classes, which might do wonders if you're doing it all the time, but a few hours a week isn't going to do more to tone the arms and work that core than a Zumba.

The problem with this whole endeavor, as Hahn mentions, is that Portman worked out five to eight hours a day for a year to get ready to show off her skeleton to the world. That's because Natalie Portman's job isn't really to be an actress, it is to be preternaturally beautiful. The same thing goes for Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, Ryan Reynolds, and Tom Cruise. They are famous people with nothing to do but diet, exercise, and tend to their bodies and they have unlimited resources and all sorts of assistance to do so. The rest of us have jobs, strange food cravings, lazy days, and incidental circumstances that keep us from the gym. There isn't something fundamentally wrong with us, we're just normal.

I'm glad Hahn lost her five pounds and she looks great, but just cutting down her caloric intake and exercising more would do that, no matter if she employed this Oscar-nominated gimmick or not. Still we really need to stop attempting to transform our bodies into celebrity look-alikes. Trying to get Natalie Portman's bony arms (or Ryan Reynolds grating abs) is a losing gambit and endlessly vying to emulate her/him is only going to drive you as insane as she goes in the movie.

I'm guilty of these comparisons but what the article says is true, it's these people's jobs to workout, eat little and look amazing. I bet we couldn't even wrap our brains around some of the tricks they have at their disposal to make themselves look this good. Fantastic genes don't hurt either.

The other thing I read this week was an article on Yahoo News about Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin mocking Michelle Obama and her campaign to end childhood obesity. Rush made fun of Obama saying, "she was no swimsuit model". This was what really upset me though:

In the past week, both Sarah Palin and Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) criticized the First Lady's advocacy for breastfeeding. Michelle Obama has mentioned breastfeeding as a way to lower childhood obesity at the same time the White House has successfully pushed the Internal Revenue Service to offer tax deductions for breast-feeding supplies.

What could they possible criticize? No one is forcing you to breastfeed only providing incentives to do so. WIC already provides free formula for low-income women so why shouldn't women who choose to breastfeed be given some sort of break? I think of the teachers at school who buy expensive breast pumps so they can provide breast milk to their babies while they work. Why would Palin and Bachmann have a problem with them having a tax deduction? It makes my brain hurt.

On to less frustrating things such as purchasing clothes. I've been wanting to give a shout out to my mother-in-law Nancy for the fabulous gift she gave me at Christmas. She surprised me with a purse shopping spree at Nordstrom. I picked out this lovely Michael Kors gun metal bag. I'm kind of in love with it as much as you can be in love with a purse. I'm also showing off my new boots that were like a little gift from the fashion gods. I was online browsing one day and these Miz Mooz boots were on Piperlime.com, 1/2 price and only one pair left and they were my size. Could you say no? They have a zipper up the back which is kind of sassy. I love the combo of expensive and cheap in fashion. I've been reading a lot of fashion blogs lately, trying to mix it up a bit. I find Target and the Nordstrom juniors department to be a good place for jewelry and accessories. I got this Target dress for $19, paired it with a $14 Nordstrom belt, $11(sale) Nordstrom cardigan, $5(sale) Downeast cami, $8 Target earrings and a pair of Gap tights. Easy peasy and cheap. The purse and boots were the splurge but the purse was a present. I'm not saying I look fabulous or have a great fashion sense but I'm having fun with what I wear lately.

No more single digits

Baby Grace turned 10 this week and that means we are out of the single digits. Hard to believe it's been a decade since I had her. I was so nervous about Grace being healthy because I had gone for an ultra-sound when she was 30 weeks and they told me I had a lot of amniotic fluid which "could mean something was wrong." So when she was born so perfect I was over the moon. (I've been wanting to use that) She really was a perfect baby. I'm sure I write this every year. After spawn #1 I'm amazed I was so eager to have another one but we wanted our kids close together so I thought I'd just get it over with and forgo sleep for another year. Grace turned out to be the best sleeper and after 6 weeks I got to sleep through the night unless the evil toddler woke me up. Because she was #2 and such a good baby, I often felt like she was a little neglected. There were several times where I forgot about her on her blanket in a room while taking care of Hanna. When I'd walk into that room later, there would be Grace, asleep on the floor. She was also a champ nurser. She came out of the womb hungry and knew what to do. It helped that I was more confident also. She spent a lot of time attached to my breast which was fine with me. After nursing "The Struggler" for 14 months, I was happy to have this mild nurser who I would sometimes forget was even there. Having my two girls is the greatest thing that has happened to me after Ryan. I worry that my heart hardened a little after all my miscarriages and Evie and that they have suffered because of it. I need to be more patient and better and showing them I love them. They are growing up really quickly and it's not always easy to be patient.

ColorMeMine birthday party because we are crafty like that.

Grace got a NookColor for her birthday because we are educational like that.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...
We've been dealing with a bit of puberty lately. I decided to get them some cami type bras that had a little bit of padding in them and when I brought them home I talked to the girls in their room. I told them that Dad was having a hard time with them getting older so please don't go out and say, "Hey Dad! Look at my new bra." They said they wouldn't have done that but I know better. They tell him everything. I then look over at Grace and she is crying.
Me: What's wrong?
Grace: I feel bad for Daddy! He only has two kids and when we grow up and leave he is going to be all alone!
Me: He isn't going to be all alone. I'll be here.
Grace: I don't want to grow up. I want to stay little.
This is kind of heartbreaking to hear. A child who doesn't want to grow up but is, and there isn't anything she can do about it. I think I always wanted to grow up. I was always waiting for the next big step and it is now, that I'm 37, when I finally wish things would slow down.

Hoarders but with less cats
Grace has always had a hard time "cleaning" her room. One of my favorite pictures we have is when Grace was about 3, I told her to go into her room and not come out until it was clean. About 30 minutes later she comes out and proudly announces that her room is "clean". I walk in, and I kid you not, it was exactly the same as when she went in. I just laughed and got the camera. This has carried on over the years and today I decided she needed some help getting her room organized and cleaned. What I thought would be a 15 minute job, turned into a 2 hour cleaning/organizing fest with Ryan joining us. We took out 3 garbage bags of junk! I don't think she's a hoarder because she is very willing to part with things but I think she is LAZY. Walk two feet to throw something in the trash? No, it's easier to hide it behind her bed. She is much happier with her "new room".

Lucy is thinking, "If I go in there, I'm going to end up in one of those garbage bags."

The internet makes another match
After Hanna was born in June 1999, I joined an internet message board for women who had babies born that same month. We've been together for almost 12 years now. I met a few of them in D.C. in 2000 and then kept in touch over the years on a private message board. Now we mostly keep in touch on Facebook. The only other westerner is Kathy and while I almost drive right by her home in Montana every summer, we've never managed to meet. She was in Park City this weekend for a girls weekend and we met up. I brought my friend Jonesie because she lives on the way and I have to admit I was a little nervous about meeting someone for the first time by myself. I shouldn't have been nervous because Kathy is amazing and fun and I had a great time. Her friend AnnMarie was hilarious also. I think Kathy and AnnMarie are going to have to come float the Milk River with us this summer. They are in charge of the cooler.

Ann Marie, Me (the only non-blonde under 5'8), Kathy and Jonesie. In a "the universe is telling us something" twist, Jonesie and Kathy have the same birthday, hence the free birthday dessert.

the secret ingredient is resentment

I was pulled over by the police today and ticketed. As you can imagine, I was driving on the wrong side of the road while waving a loaded pistol outside my window. Oh wait, I did a rolling stop instead of a complete stop on a deserted road early in the morning. Good thing American Fork police was there to protect their citizens. I know a ticket is not a big deal but I've had the good fortune of talking myself out of any ticket I've ever faced. I was stopped once for speeding in Magrath at 2 a.m. and the RCMP was nice enough to take pity on my since I worked at McDonald's and couldn't afford the $180 ticket. I was stopped once for speeding in Montana (like who DOESN'T Speed in Montana?!) and was given a warning. I was stopped once in Santaquin for speeding and given a warning and once in Payson where I was also given a warning. With both the Santaquin and Payson stops I shamelessly told the officers that my husband was Highway Patrol and I know that's why I didn't get a ticket. It's the code man! We take low pay and no respect in exchange for not getting ticketed for minor offenses. Yeah they may ask you when hiring if you'd give your mom a ticket and you say "yes" (Oh yes Sir! I'd cuff her and drag her off to jail for going 10 over! You betcha.) but we all know we wouldn't. The officer who stopped me asked me if Ryan, whose name was on the registration, was my husband. I pulled my, "Yes and he's a trooper so he's going to be mad." He gave me the ticket anyway. Oh and I also told him I was on my way to teach school. So maybe he hates troopers and teachers? This is why people hate cops buddy. I told him as he handed me the ticket, "Nice to know the police are looking out for each other." There's some passive aggressive behaviour for you douche! Have a nice day.
Realizations
I was going to erase the above rant but I decided it was how I felt and I like to keep this blog somewhat real. The day this happened I wrote about it on Facebook and some of the responses were unexpected. Where I was expecting people to sympathize with me (like they do for non-police families that get stupid tickets) I got some "hey if I get tickets, you should too." responses. I'm cool with that. People are just being real right? This ticket taught me some valuable lessons that Ryan has been telling me for a long time. A)People don't like cops. B)I need to be more careful about my driving. C)Only law enforcement families really understand what it's like to be a part of this profession. I don't talk about it much on here but it's a tough job/life. Ryan deals with things that sometimes I ask him not to tell me about. Horrible things that affect him and therefore our family. So if you are bothered by the idea that I should get a free pass on a simple traffic violation, I say "suck it!" Thank you very much.

Those are some nice eyebrows
I'd like to thank my Eastern European ancestors for my course, hairy legs and my fine, full monobrow. I have what we call "The Toly" eyebrows. I've had them waxed, threaded and tweezed over the years but last week I finally, for the first time in my life, loved my eyebrows. I had them waxed at Nordstrom where they use the Anastasia method. I don't really know what that means but I loved the end result. I now know how to use an eyebrow pencil. The "Brow Wizard" pencil is amazing! I use it every day. It's so easy and makes my brows look great. I also use something that is basically a gel for your eyebrows. Keeps em in place. If only my ancestors had this. I also kind of geeked out at Sephora (inside "Penneys") this week. I bought a couple of lip glosses that were a little more than what you buy at Target. Normally I get my makeup free during Clinique Bonus Time but I thought it was time to actually pick out what I wanted instead of just taking whatever is free. I'm loving them. I bought NARS Velvet Gloss Lip Pencil in Baroque and BUXOM Lips in Dolly. The BUXOM is cool because it has a lip plumper and makes my lips all tingly.

My natural eyebrows in all their bushy glory. Worst. School. Picture. Ever.

Let the over-tweezing begin! A few years where things got out of control. Chola!

Recently they've grown back in but were a weird shape.

I'll never win an award on my blog for great photography. My new brows! Those are all mine. I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom after a workout getting warm by the heater.