It's hit the fan

It's Evie's due date tomorrow. I hadn't really thought about it much but after having an emotional breakdown today about the crappiness of the new stove in the "summer house", I realized that something had to be triggering it. There is also the combination of PMS, Ryan gone for the inauguration (which is cool) and no one buying our current house. Yep, there is a lot going on and I'm cracking up. I'm trying to have faith and put good vibes out there but it's getting really hard to keep this going. Our house will be done next week and we still own this house. Ryan and I are both public servants so you can guess that we don't have enough money to own two homes. Our home builder is being very generous and have told us they will hold the house until we can purchase it but I just want this to be over. I'm tired of keeping my house spotless because maybe, just maybe, someone will come look at it. My house isn't normally dirty but hell, I'd like to leave the house on a rushed morning without worry about my bathtub being spotless. We have been living like this since June! It's taking a toll on all of us. I know my life isn't horrible and I have many things to be thankful for but at the moment I need to vent about this.

People keep having babies which reminds me that I couldn't have the one I wanted. I certainly live in the wrong state if I don't want to be reminded of my loss. It's seeing my kids interacting with friend's babies or getting excited when they hear someone is pregnant. I now think I grieve more for them. She would have been two had she been born full term and I miss her. It's worse that her due date is in the dead of winter because I'm usually dealing with some winter-induced depression about now. The combination isn't good.

Ryan left early Sunday morning to fly to D.C. where he will be security for the inauguration. I've talked to him a few times and it's rushed but he is having a great time. He told me he should be right in front of the White House on the parade route tomorrow. So see if you can pick him out. He'll be in his full Trooper uniform with the Smokey the Bear hat. One thing that has been upsetting both of is the negative Obama talk he is surrounded by. I guess cops in general are Republicans (stereotype that might be correct) because Ryan has heard nothing positive said about him from other cops. I asked Ryan if he spoke up when he hear them talking and he said he didn't. He told me he thought only his friend Kevin there knew he was a democrat. I texted back "secret democrat" and it made me laugh. Maybe there are other "secret democrat" cops in his midst that are all too scared to speak up.

I've lost a few pounds since I got back from my holiday of decadence. I've been working hard at eating and exercise and it's paying off little by little. I have to put a plug in for my new Nike + iPod that Monti and Becky gave me for Christmas. I used it on the treadmill tonight and it kept me running for 38 minutes when I normally can do like, none on the treadmill. I'm an outside runner. Kristin and I are going to run a 10K this summer and my Nike + iPod is going to train me. Technology!

Buy this for $29 at Apple Store or any sporting goods store. If you don't have the Nike shoe (like me because I'm a Mizuno freak) buy a little adaptor pouch that velcros on your shoe.