Listen, I have some definite flaws as a person. I thought I'd list some of them but I'm not ready to post everything that is wrong with me on a public blog. One flaw I have as a friend is that I can get a little jealous if I'm left out. I remember being like this in elementary school. If I didn't get invited to play at recess, I was really hurt. I guess in a way we are all like that but I can be ultra sensitive. I'm especially vulnerable right now because we are moving next week and I'm leaving some of the best friends I've ever had. I won't be able to run over to Karen's when I need to borrow a pair of shoes or phone Tisa to borrow an egg from her on a Sunday. It's been hard for me to even get excited about this new house we built because I'm torn up over leaving friends. I remember when Kristin moved, I thought it was going to be the end of my world. Life does go on and luckily we aren't moving out of state so I will still be able to see my friends often.
So today I (kind of) had a freak out and wrote something to a friend I shouldn't have. I crossed a line for sure. It was immature and I knew it was as I was writing it. I'm just in that kind of mental state right now. I don't know what I wanted to accomplish. I'm seriously wondering if I'm having some sort of break down. I hate change and this is a freakin big change.
A couple of years ago, a really good friend of mine basically dumped me. I never found out why and it got kind of ugly. She was calling friends of mine and telling them what a horrible person I was. She spread lies about me around the neighborhood. The whole time all I wanted was for her to explain to me why she didn't want to be my friend anymore. Luckily I had other good friends who rallied around me and helped me through it. Sometimes when I exhibit behaviour like I did today, I wonder if maybe I'm not a good friend? Am I a jealous, possessive person? Do I think my friends should like and dislike the same people I do? Is this move bringing out the worst in me? Or am I just sad that I'm leaving and everyone else is staying? I guess I have some things to think about. I am glad that I do have a friend that is honest with me, can call me on my craziness and then still want to remain my friend. It's hard to find friends like that and that's why it is very difficult to leave.
26 comments:
((HUGS))
It takes a GOOD FRIEND to recognize and admit their NOT-SO-GOOD-FRIEND moments. :)
which makes you a good friend! :)
Shea you sound so much like me...I can't handle being left out too. Leaving good friends will be tough but I doubt you'll have any trouble making new ones.
Maybe your friend was just hurt that you left her in her time of need and when she found out you told everyone else that she apparently didn't want to be your friend anymore...maybe she was hurt and a little upset for feeling like her best friend had made her look like a jerk...maybe she felt a little betrayed...We all have flaws, that is just a part of life, I guess the challenge is figuring out how to deal with these flaws and we aren't always good at it, trust me I know...please don't be too hard on her... maybe this old best friend still thinks about you, worries about you and loves you...maybe this old best friend is more of a friend than you know. Things will get better, they always do, you are stronger and more amazing than you give yourself credit for...
I think you're more normal than you think. I feel left out a lot of the time, and it's hard to deal with. I get a little bitter when I find out that a group of people whom I all consider my friends went to lunch, or something together, and didn't even call me. And sadly, that's the story of my life.
And stressful times definitely make it even harder to deal with. Someone once told me that we all makes mistakes in life, but it's what we DO with the mistakes that matters. I'd say you're just struggling with the huge change in your life, and things like that can make us all a little crazy. Believe me, I've been there. It takes a lot less than a move to make me melt down. :)
“Anon” you seem to know a lot about what happened between me and this friend. Interesting. I have heard this person telling others that “I wasn’t there for her” and that is not the truth at all. I reached out so many times that my husband and other friends basically told me I was looking like a fool. It was obvious she didn’t want anything to do with me to everyone around me. You can call me many other things but don’t call me a bad friend. It was only after months of trying and frustration that I finally “gave up” and even then it was painful. If this person cared about me so much, why didn’t they try to make things better? This person has never owned up to any wrong doing on their part, never apologized and yet continued to tell people I was a horrible person. That is not what a “best friend” who “loves and worries” does to another friend. I know because I have real friends.
Thank-you to everyone else for their support. It's nice to know you aren't the only one who has breakdowns now and then.
Shea - you are so very lucky!!!! I have never had friends like this and certainly no one in my neighborhood. At most we nod a greeting as we take out the garbage or water our lawns. But, I don't usually try to make close friends with women because I've been burned and it hurts. You are proof that a little pain is worth and obviously your friends adore you. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time with the move. It should be exciting but I can understand why you're sad. {{BIG HUGS}} Want me to pass a flyer around your new neighborhood about what a great person you are and then everyone will be lining up to meet you! :)
Shea you are the coolest! You know how I feel about you..if you lived by me we would be inseperable---buck up there young lady....you will be fine you are like a magnetic force you draw people in!!!!! Hugs and smooches..
Mellykins
You're so sweet Dori. Hopefully my winning personality will be enough!LOL! Sometimes having friends is hard but so worth it. I'm a person who really needs friends and loves being around them. You are an awesome person too Dori. Maybe start saying "hi" to your neighbors!LOL!
It's even more apparent to me now that we have a few of the same genes. I totally relate to all those feelings and appreciate knowing there's another girl out there with a few of the same neuroses. ;)
Hang in there. If it makes you feel any better, my BFF lives in Texas (I'm in Montreal). At least you'll be able to make a day trip to see your friends! It could be worse...
To my BFF (lol). I remember how hard those times were for you months after you lost your best friend...You were still confused and frustrated as ever and had no answers for what had happened. BTW-Have you ever found out what had happened and why she never came to you and explained why it was so weird all of a sudden? I remember before the break up being jealous as I drove by her house and you two were hanging out in the yard with your girls as they played. I so badly wanted to be a part of that. I never really did fit in Santaquin till that last year when you became available LOL! SO thanks for being my friend and staying my friend after all these years...even when I live an hour away. P.S. I am ready for my b-day dinner asap. Going stir crazy! Oh, and I think that at the beginning of next year we should set a new rule for no more b-day gifts. Just have everyone pitch in for the b-day dinner and call it good. It's getting to expensive and January just about broke me:) What do you think?
I loves you too Jonesy. No birthday gifts sounds good to me. But you should get gifts since you are so generous to us. We'll just buy the birthday people dinner. We are moving next week but I want to get us all together too. Maybe if you ask Ryan for me he'll let me go!LOL!
{{{HUGS}}}
I've been through rough friend break ups before. Some my fault, some not so much my fault. It bites.
Buck up little Shea. Change is hard for everyone and the stress you have been under has been for a long time. It will work out, it usually does. And I hate change too.
Dang, I know how you feel, Shea. I watch so many of the other women in the ward as they go out with friends etc and I am never invited even though I would consider most of them at least friends even if not close ones. Some I do feel a little jealous and left out over.
Sometimes things get a bit overwhelming and people say stuff that has very little to do with the person they are actually saying it to. It has to do more with all the other stuff that is happening to you and piling in on you than the situation you are kinda hurt over. The situation you are hurt over is just what tips the scales.(The "you" I am using is a generalization--not meant as YOU you) Most, if not all people, have had those moments where they wonder --Holy @#$% what just happened? And where did THAT ALL come from? Uh oh, I didn't realy mean to do that. You're a plenty good friend if you can tell someone "oops" and explain to them what was going on. Its too bad you are moving and I hope that you will find good friends where you are going. There are probably a lot of people who could use a good friend. I don't think the demand for good friends is ever met.
And, no, I am not the same as the above 'anonymous'.
Man I hate anon comments! I'm so curious as to who anon #2 is. Send me an email and confess your identity as a going away present to me. :) shea74@gmail.com. I know you are not the same as anon #1 as it was not too hard for me to figure out who that person was through sitemeter and just tone in general. Usually I can't figure out who people are through sitemeter since it just shows me location and domain name usually but that one was a freebie.
You're a great friend!! I've loved keeping in touch all these years!
I guess you erased my last comment. I also wanted to add you can't be sensitive and nasty at the same time. Don't put your feelings out there for the world to read if you don't want to get hurt.
so then miss smarty pants, who am i?
sounds to me like anonymous has a little too much spare time on their hands if they have taken to blog-stalking.
To anon pot stirrer:
I did erase the last comment. I did not erase it due to my sensitivity but to the immature nature of it. I do not think I am "nasty" at all. I have blogged about my dilemma in keeping things off the blog because I don't want to hurt feelings. "Don't put your feelings out there for the world to read if you don't want to get hurt." Why would anyone want their feelings hurt? That is not the reason I write this blog. I think it is fascinating that something that happened over two years ago with a person who has not even been named, could stir up such malice in a person. My question to you is "why read?" or better yet "why care?" This is my blog that I created for friends and family. It wasn't created for "the world" to read and get worked up about. The bottom line is, if it gets you worked up, don't read it. Also because it is MY blog, I can write and delete whatever I want. That's the beauty of a blog. You are right I guess I'm not enough of a "smarty pants" to know exactly who you are but I have a hunch. Thanks though, it's kind of fun feeling like I"m back in junior high.
Sorry shea, I tried to be a smart a$$ by writing the anon "smarty pants" comment. This was before I knew that a blog sh!t disturber was going all haywire on you. Sorry again. I know you will forgive me cause that's what true friends do, they forgive, maybe not forget, and then MOVE ON! Love you!
this is great. I knew you would get all worked up. This has been the funnest day.
By the way comment 18 and 19 are not the same people. I am done commenting for this post. Goodbye!
"this is great. I knew you would get all worked up. This has been the funnest day."
Amused, not "worked up". Glad this day was a good one for you.
Wow, can I just say "unbelievable!"
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