Here's a Tip

I don't claim to know a lot of things but one thing I think I know a bit about is pregnancy loss. I've been through my share of miscarriages (4) and one loss of a child. I've also been around when quite a few friends or family members have lost pregnancies or children. Today I had an experience with a neighbor that made me want to write this post. I found out from a friend that a woman who I go to church with and I would consider a friend had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I know from personal experience how devastating this can be but I also know that you don't really want people calling you up and asking questions. So I sent this person a note in the mail telling them I was sorry and that I know it is hard. She called me today and thanked me. She said she was really grateful and it was needed. That made me feel good. I guess when something like this happens I can think that maybe I have learned something from my losses. Not saying I'm glad I had them or that it was worth it to learn this but just that I'm glad I learned something good. She told me that she felt bad for how she acted when I had my losses, that you can't really understand until it happens to you. I think this is true. You may feel sad for the person going through it and have compassion but until you lose a pregnancy yourself you don't know how horrible it is. So my tip is that the perfect thing to do is to send a note telling the person you're sorry and offering your support. If they want to call and talk to you they can. Obviously if you're close to the person then you might feel a phone call is okay. I also think another really great thing to do when someone has a miscarriage is to bring them dinner. I just remember not wanting to deal with feeding my family when I was feeling so physically and emotionally drained. It was such a relief to have that taken care of. Only do this if it is common knowledge that the person has had a miscarriage or if you have talked to them personally. I know that I wanted to keep things somewhat private just so I didn't get a million questions or have to talk to a bunch of people. The neighbor confirmed to me that she felt the same way. I remember after Evie was born getting cards in the mail from people I didn't expect would send them and it really meant a lot to me. So next time you feel like you don't know what to do when someone suffers a loss, send a card. It's cheap, easy and will be appreciated.

I wanted to add that if you're good friends with a person who suffers a loss then you will know what to do for them. This is more for someone who you are not super close to.