Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. On Saturday it was the Utah Share Walk and while I didn't go to the walk, I met up with some of my Share friends after for lunch. I'd met four of the women before but sadly there were two new women there. Each of us has a story that we probably don't tell to many people and it is wonderful to sit at a table and know that you are not making anyone uncomfortable by sharing yours. They ask me about Evie and want to see her pictures. They tell me she was beautiful. I mainly talk about my experience with Evie but I do think about my four miscarriages before she was born. I tend to block those out and focus more on Evie but at the time they happened, they were just as devastating. All the hope you have only to be cut short. It's just all bad and I struggle with the memories on a daily basis. We were asked to share our stories on this day, to let other women know they aren't alone. The other day I was waiting for someone at a department store and happened to wander into the baby clothes. I picked up a 6-9-month-old sleeper and held it next to me. I should be holding a baby that fits into that sleeper. Instead, I held a baby who fit into the palm of my hand. I've been pregnant seven times but I only have two living children. That's my story. Things You Shouldn't Say She must have been special for God to take her. You'll see her again someday. At least you weren't that far along. At least you have two children. Everything happens for a reason. She's in heaven and perfect now. What I Wish Everyone Knew I think about her every day. She was alive for a few minutes after she was born. It's ok to ask me about her. My miscarriages were as emotionally and physically painful as losing Evie. Having two living children doesn't make this easier, just different. I'm still mad. I want to be told I did the right thing or don't say anything at all. We can't/won't have any more children.