I'm usually a pretty relaxed person and it takes a lot to get me worked up. I'm not one to get offended if you don't wave to me when I pass you driving to school, unless it's done over and over even when I make a huge effort to give you the big cheesy wave and smile. I feel a tangent coming. There is this one woman who I pass quite often when I'm walking or driving the kids to school. If I happen to be looking when she drives by I always give her a wave but she hardly ever waves back. Whatever, this person and I are never going to be BFFs so I don't let it get to me. Lately I've been treating it like an experiment. I wave and then I watch her reaction. I actually laughed out loud the other day when it happened while I was walking the kids to school. It looked like it physically pained her to raise her hand in a wave.
"Good grief, Shea is waving at me again. Come on hand, move on up there. Ahh there you go. Whew! I'm glad that's over."
This could be all in my mind which is very likely. Okay back on track. Even then, I'm not offended but just find it amusing. Lately I've been thinking about things people have done that have honestly left me feeling bad. There haven't been a lot over the years but I find it hard to let go of things when I really am hurt. I had an experience after Evie was born that was fairly upsetting. Basically it was that my church appointed "caretakers" did nothing. I've had a couple of years to think about this and I realize that maybe they didn't know what to do. They felt awkward and chose to do nothing. I understand because I've done plenty of "nothing" in my life. I still think they had a great opportunity to serve and blew it but I'm over it now. It's definitely taught me to be more aware of those I'm responsible for and I try to help out when needed. The thing is, I got over it. It took me awhile but I know that holding grudges only hurts me. So I was wondering if anyone else has had times in their lives where they've found it hard to let something go?
18 comments:
I've always been upset that Gram always gave you yellow things and I HAD to have pink. Pink EVERYTHING! Hate pink, I just wanted yellow every so often, was that too much to ask?...
I don't like yellow so I would have swapped you for a few pink things. Whatever, we all know Gram loved you most and that's why you got pretty pink while I got pukey yellow.
So who or what is Stella? And the nasty non-waver? Do I know her?
Stella is the scooter we bought. It's like a Vespa. Yes you know the non-waver.
Should have bought a Harley, then you and Ryan could have got some cool tats.....
Dad
I have a couple of lingering hard feeling situations - there was this parent of a student in Monti's class that treated him very poorly and I don't feel like forgiving her. I can treat her civilly, but I am not going to forgive her because she doesn't deserve it.
Becky
I remember the parent thing. That would be hard to get over. I still have a problem with She Who Will Not Be Named but luckily she is out of sight out of mind since she moved.
Ah. You will have to post a picture of you on the Stella. We had a couple of Vespas when I was growing up. So fun. I wish that we still had them.
Well, I have never had things like that happen so I would have no idea what you are talking about.
(Do you really want to get me going? I really trying to do better!)
I have a hard time letting go. There are several things I am working on "forgiving".
My grudges usually only last a few months. I can't say that I forgive the person. What usually happens is I get bored with it and I drop it (this is my short attention span coming into play).
Anyway, please post a picture of your scooter!
Some people truly amaze me..I bet if you keep waving...she will break down.
My very dearest friend rubbed me the wrong way for two years and then we finally started getting to know each other and she has been a kindred spirit!
-Sandy toes
Yeah, I have a hard time letting go of things too.
Dad gave me some good advice which was to not let things bother you. It doesn't work 100% but I think it helps a bit.
I just push down all of the rage until pretty soon I'm walking right on top of it!
Yes! Put it in a bubble and let it blow away.
There are a few instances where I didn't do something when I should have, which I deeply regret.
I don't really struggle to let go of those bad things, but then again, I might just be better a bottling them up. :)
I used to be terrible about being unable to "let it go", over-analyzing, etc. Only in the last couple years have I been able to let things roll off my back, not take everything so personally. I heard a speaker (Beth Moore) say that holding a grudge or bitterness inside of yourself is like us drinking poison, but expecting it to hurt someone else. Pretty good point.
Yes, I have.
A few years ago (and a few houses ago) one of my neighbors was a single, middle-aged woman who really really hurt my feelings (yelled at me in a very mean way) because my 5 year old son kept accidentally kicking his soccor ball over her fence. I think she was convinced that he was a brat that was doing it on purpose. Not only that, but she was soooo mad that she had disposed of his brand new soccor ball that he had just gotten for his birthday!
My reaction was to run away, all scared and freaked out and then feel depressed and wounded for the next few days, then avoid her at all costs. Eventually I decided not to care and just be nice if I was ever forced to speak to her again. Sure enough the time came when we both were in the front yard at the same time and somebody had to say something. She just acted like nothing had happened and was being extra fake nice to me, and I decided to take her extra fake niceness as an apology and be fake nice back.
Another time, I had a landlady in Edmonton give me pure hell over a poster I had on my apartment door. Long story, but she basically screamed and yelled for several minutes, then spewed out several hysterical threats before she let me run away, scared to death. But after about an hour I realized how absurd her threats were and got mad. I indignantly went back down to her office, requesting in a confident tone that I wanted to have a word with her. She said she was too busy, then avoided me for months (nor did she follow through with her threats). Then one day as luck would have it, we got stuck on the elevator together.....alone. She enthusiastically complimented my purse, which I again politely accepted as a form of apology.
So there's a couple semi-effective grudge resolution examples for ya.
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