Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Bear with me
I'm feeling sad today. A lot of people in "the hood" are having babies and I'm reminded constantly of how normal it is have a healthy baby. It's almost been two years since Evie was born and I'm genuinely happy to say that it's easier to think about her without falling to pieces. That being said, it's days like this where I'm sitting at the computer with tears running down my cheeks that I think I'm still kind of a mess. When I see Hanna get excited about a friend's news of a new baby girl, I feel heartbroken that she didn't get to have her little sister. I see a neighbor with her new baby at church and I have leave early because I don't want to run into her. I'm not always this sensitive but this week has been hard for some unexplainable reason. I guess it's seeing people get what I wanted and fought so fervently for. It's plain old jealousy. Like my predictable exercise blog entries, I feel like my Evie entries are equally predictable but writing is the one therapy that I've really found to help. It's either medication or writing, so I choose to write.
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6 comments:
I was thinking of you earlier today before I saw you in the store.I was telling Ed's dad all that you went through and how hard it was. You were in the same week that I am in now when you lost your little Evie. I don't know how you made it through, but I do know this... you are stronger than you think you are and it is ok to be sad when you are reminded of your loss, Evie is and always will be a part of you, and always thinking of her is what makes you a wonderful mother.
Thanks Tisa.
((hug)) Days like this are definately hard, and even though logically you know you've come a long way, it sure doesn't feel like it when you have those moments of despair. If nothing else, it just goes to show just how important Evie really is.
I write as therapy as well. So keep writing.
I've been thinking a lot about you lately.
Shea- I love hearing about Evie (what a beautiful name by the way)! I can't even begin to imagine the heartache. Sending you a (((hug)))....
I don't know much about anything really and I've never been good at words. What I am sure I know, however, is that you are a picture of strength to me and a lot of others. Thru your pain, you have grown and help others to grow also. I really look forward to the day I can meet little Evie. She's got to be pretty dang special to have chosen you to be her ETERNAL mother.
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